


Sacrifices

by SomedayonBroadway



Series: Sacrifices [1]
Category: Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Canon Era, POV First Person, The Refuge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-06 04:47:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16825429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomedayonBroadway/pseuds/SomedayonBroadway
Summary: Stealing is all he could do. He never expected it to spiral into that. Ever. None of them did. And someone had to pay the price.





	1. Race

**Author's Note:**

> So this was a really popular one of mine. I really enjoyed writing it! I hope you all enjoy!

_Irresponsible_... _stupid_... _cocky_... what does Jack know? What did he expect me ta do? Let the littles freeze ta death 'cause they don't got no blankets? Hell no. He ain't the boss of me, no matta' what anyone else says. He's in command, but I's second in command for a reason. He ain't go no right ta treat me like that! Ta treat me like I'm below him.

I could feel my hands shakin' when I tried ta light my cigar. The smoke warmed me up and it felt good after the argument I just had a few minutes earlier with a guy who was supposed ta be my best friend. He wasn't supposed ta make me feel like I was wrong all the time. And in front of Crutchie too... poor kid. He's gettin' sick. Jack is on edge. I get it. But for Jack ta yell at me like that... he ain't been that mad in a long time.

Usually, he'd make me sit down. He'd push me into a chair and every time I's would try ta get up, he'd push me back down and tell me I was bein' an idiot. I got that. He needed ta try and tell me I's was wrong. But he would neva' do what he'd done on any normal day.

_"Racetrack Higgins, get your ass ova' here!"_

_The memory of his voice like that made me feel funny. A feelin' I didn't get much rolled up in me. I froze. I knew that I couldn't show the fear that rose up in me when Jack yelled at me. So I reached in my pocket for my precious cigar. One of the only things that keeps me sane in this lousy world. I shoved it between my lips and turned to him, slowly._

_My friend was a rare kind of mad. He glared at me. The last time I's had seen him so angry was when the Delanceys were pickin' on Crutchie the otha' day. And I didn't know what else ta do but deny I'd done anythin' wrong. "What?" I had asked, annoyed that Jack stopped me from goin' downstairs ta take Al for all he had in a game a' poker. The look on Kelly's face was one I hadn't seen in a while. He was furious._

_"You know damn well 'what', Higgins!" I flinched. Jack only called me by my last name when he was tryin' ta stop hisself from givin' me a soakin'. We got in fights before, but not over things like this. This was somethin' that Jack would force me to sit down and listen to him. I knew better than ta stay there. I had ta get out. When Jack got like this, no one could calm him except Crutchie. But the poor kid was bedridden._

_I scoffed and smiled, bitterly. Yeah, I is an idiot. I didn't mean ta make him more mad, but my stupid mouth neva' listens ta my head. "I don't know what you're talkin' bout, Kelly." I just wanted ta make it outta there 'fore he lost it. I didn't._

_I tried ta walk away. But he grabbed my arm. It hurt. I had ta bite my lip ta keep from showin' him that. I thought he'd just pull me back, turn me around, push me a little bit, like always. We're brothers. We fight sometimes. But I didn't know he was about to slam me inta the wall of the hallway. My back hit the hard surface and my head wasn't too far behind. I don't care what no one says, I didn't cry. Not then, not eva'. My cigar dropped to the ground. I bit down on my tongue too hard. There was a bad taste in my mouth. I closed my eyes. My head hurt afta' that. But Jack wasn't done yet. He grabbed my wrists and held them over my head._

_I... I don't like it. Not bein' able ta move. I don't like bein' trapped. I wanted ta fight back. So's I started kickin' at him. But Jack was always one step ahead of me. He pushed me back and pinned my legs ta the wall with his. I couldn't move. "Get off a' me, Kelly!" I screamed. I wasn't panickin'. But... Jack looked real scary with that look on his face. Like he wasn't even seein' me. He ain't eva' done this before. I tried ta push him off. But I couldn't. He knew I couldn't... he knew I didn't like it... he knew what I'd been through before the newsies! But he still did it. "Jack, get off!" I had something in my throat... I wasn't scared. And, damn it, I was not turnin' red! He still didn't move. He held me there. I didn't look up at him. At his angry green eyes. I just fought against him. He ain't that much stronger than me._

_"You listen ta me, Higgins." His breath was hot on my skin and I tried to push off of the wall but he pounded me back inta it._

_"Lemme go, Jack!" I wasn't beggin'... I wasn't. But Jack's hold tightened on my wrists. "Lemme go!" I tried ta rip my hands outta his grip... I couldn't. "We're freezin', Jack!" I had had it. Enough was enough. "Romeo and Sniper had ta sleep in my bed last night cause they's was so cold!" I looked up and found his face inches from mine. I stopped struggling for a minute. I wasn't cryin'! I don't cry. But my head hurt real bad. I rememba' that. "Crutchie's sick!" I saw the pain on his face when I screamed that. He knew it was true. But he still didn't let go. "What did ya want me ta do?!" Jack didn't even seem ta hear me._

_"You go around, pullin' your irresponsible, stupid, arrogant crap with your damn cocky attitude, you're gonna get caught and you're gonna drag us all down with ya!" Out of everything Jack had eva' said ta me, the next thing outta his mouth may be the words that cut me the deepest. "We don't need ya, Race!"_

_I blinked. I tried ta come up with any sorta sign ta let me know I's was stuck in some kinda nightmare. I stopped tryin' ta push Jack off of me. I let him hold me ta the wall. "Ya come around here, smokin' that damn cigar, playin' your little card games, startin' fights with some of the littles and I'm sick a' it. I don't need ya makin' matta's worse, Higgins." I heard footsteps. Gasps soon followed those. I wanted out. I needed out. "Kids are already sick. I've been up for days tryin' ta pay rent for all of 'em and you think it's okay ta go out and give the bulls a reason ta search the house?"_

_"Jack, stop it." I didn't know who was talkin'. I didn't care. With one more push into the wall, Jack released his hold on me. I couldn't stop myself from pushin' him away, making him hit the opposite wall. He almost came back at me. When he stood up tall... I don't care what no one else says. I wasn't scared. But he stopped when he saw someone behind me. It was Crutchie._

_"Knock it off, Jack!" His voice was hoarse and weak, but somehow, the kid got up the strength ta sound very intimidating. No doubt, somethin' he learned from me._

_I looked around. Every boy was there, watching us. They waited for us ta launch ourselves at each otha'. Ta attack each otha'. And I couldn't be there. This wasn't Jack. This boy, whoever it was, was not Jack Kelly. It was someone else. It had ta be. The Jack Kelly I know, doesn't hold me down. He doesn't yell at me or hurt me if he don't gotta. This was not the boy that took me in off the streets. This wasn't him. It couldn't be._

_"Race I-" Crutchie was tryin' ta talk ta me, but I couldn't listen. Jack was the only guy I could look at. I didn't know what was goin' on in his stupid head, but I didn't care. I trusted him with the secrets from the past I'd much rather forget. And he didn't give a damn._

_"Don't." I shook my head. I moved away from Jack. I couldn't look at him. I heard boys walking up the stairs. I knew I had ta get out of there. I grabbed my cigar. I clasped it in my hand so tight and I knew I was shakin'. I knew my boys were watching me. But as Crutchie stepped closer to me, I found myself unable to stop from backin' away. No more touchin'. I didn't want it. "I... I'm goin' for a walk," I heard myself announce before I stomped out of the room. I didn't even look up at my brothers. I couldn't._

Then I was sitting out in the cold. It was November. Easily one of the coldest times of the year. I's was shiverin'. But I couldn't go back there. No way in hell. At least not then. No one was lookin' for me yet.

I couldn't feel my hands. Rubbing them together is a trick that normally works. But it didn't. It was too damn cold out there for it ta work. My thin shirt didn't doin' a damn thing ta keep me warm, but I didn't care. I couldn't face Jack. Or whoever that kid was that had done that. It wasn't my friend. It just couldn't be.

I was freezin' and my head was poundin'. I didn't know what ta do. I couldn't go back.

"Race... what the hell are ya doin'?" Crutchie? I didn't even hear him limp up to me. Stupid loud thoughts. My head shot up when I heard him sit down next ta me. He put his crutch right in front of me on the ground, in front of both our feet. "Ya scared the hell outta us."

I couldn't stop my bitter laugh when I's took the cigar outta my mouth. That was rich. " _I_ scared the hell outta you?" I wasn't cryin'. My eyes was just waterin' is all.

I heard my best friend sniffle and he leaned into me. It was cold. I didn't push him away. "He had a run in with Snyder taday... almost got caught again."

That was when it all made sense. I didn't know what ta say ta that. Snyder. He was the devil in my big brother's nightmare. And when Jack saw him one the streets, he went crazy. "He ain't got no reason ta treat me like that." I took another puff of the thing in my hand. It didn't help.

"I know, Race." He nestled his head on my shoulder. I knew right then, this stupid kid wasn't goin' back ta the house till I said I was goin' with him. Stupid, stubborn kid. All's I could do was groan. Damn kid would be the death a' me. "He's real sorry, Race. I's know it. Wouldn't talk ta no one afta' ya walked out."

I scoffed. "Should be sorry..." I muttered. I felt better when my little brother laughed. His laugh always made me happier. Poor kid had been through too much to be upset all the time. I didn't know what else ta do but get him back ta the boys. Back ta Jack. I hoped it would be Jack, at least. Not that son of a bitch that held me still a little under an hour ago. But the thought that it would be made me a little noivous.

"I can't go back there, kid-" I didn't even get ta finish talkin'. Crutchie already knew what I's was gonna say.

"Yes ya can!" He yelled at me. I saw the tears in his eyes when he sat up straight and looked at me. "Ya won't make it ta Brooklyn tanight, Race! And even if ya do, ya don't even know if Spot'll let ya in!"

I shook my head. He knows me too well. Spot was the only person I would be able ta go to that night. But he was right. It was too damn cold out there. I wasn't gonna make it across the bridge that night. So I sighed. And Crutchie smiled in triumph.

"Let's go, ya idiot." I stood up, reaching down and helping him to his feet. The poor kid could barely stand. I have no idea how he made it out there by hisself. All's I knew was, I needed ta get him back. Then he coughed. Idiot. Stupid kid. "Shouldn't be outside right now, punk." He made it to his feet and pushed me. The kid was stronger than most people thought. He could hold his own. He'd won a lot of fights with the boys when he got mad at 'em. He didn't fight very often, but me and Jack made sure he could do it if need be.

"You're a punk!" he shouted back at me. I just chuckled at him and helped him grab his crutch.

"Cmon, kid." And then we were walkin'. We didn't know. I didn't see 'em till we were out of the alley. Until they was grabbin' onto my brother. The bulls. Crutchie screamed real loud when they took his crutch and pushed him on his knees. I wanted ta run ta him, ta get him away from them, but someone grabbed me. They's had their arms 'round my waist and it was too hard for me to fight back. They kept me from my brother. My cigar fell outta my hand. At the time, I didn't even notice.

"Well well well..." That voice was way too familiar. I don't get scared. But that voice put me the closest to it. And Crutchie... poor kid was terrified. "Looks like we caught our little thief." I didn't want to turn around. So I tried ta push the bulls offa me. I couldn't. "And his little friend." I didn't know what ta do. There was three of 'em holdin' onta my arms and my waist. But me? I don't give up without a fight.

I heard Crutchie screamin'. They was draggin' him ta the wagon. He had cuffs on his wrists. I ain't eva' seen the kid so scared in my life. I didn't know if I's was callin' for him or not, but I rememba' him callin' ta me, beggin' me ta help him same time he fought against 'em. Beggin' me ta stop the damn bulls. So I broke free from the grip. I's don't know how I did it. But I knew I had ta get ta Crutchie. If I didn't... Jack would kill me. And, I wouldn't be doin' too hot either.

I jumped on the bastard's back when he tried ta toss the crip in the back a' the carriage. Crutchie fell. I heard him cry out for me. But I was too busy tryin' ta stop the bastard from getting back up. Afta' that, it was a mess. Next thing I's know I was on the ground. My back hurt. The bull was on top a' me. "Crutchie run!" If nothin' else, that stupid kid had ta get out. I couldn't drag him down with me.

They forced me onta my stomach. It was hard ta breathe. I tried ta fight against them. But there was too many. They pushed my face inta the ground and pulled my arms behind me. It hurt. The cuffs pinched my skin and somethin' hit me in the head. I don't rememba much afta' that. Just that there was some screamin'. Something cold was against my head. My body hurt real bad and then they threw me inta the carriage. I was on my back on the ground. My hands were under me and it was hard ta move.

Jack was gonna kill me, that's for sure. Gonna kill me for gettin' caught doin' the one thing he told him neva' ta do. Gonna kill me for puttin' Crutchie in danga'.

Crutchie! Oh my God, the kid... I could hear him breathin' hard... he didn't get away. Damn it, he didn't get away. "C-Crutchie...?" It was hard ta talk. My head hurt so damn bad. We were headed ta hell and we both knew it.

I heard him get down on the ground right next ta me. Then he touched the back of my head... I had ta grind my teeth tagetha real hard ta hide the pain that it caused. I don't cry. 'Specially not in front a' my little brothers. So I's tried ta sit up. It was still hard ta breath. I gasped in and it was too loud. I felt my friend push me back down to the floor. His hands were on my shoulders and I didn't try ta fight against him.

"Don't move, Race." For a minute, he sounded like Jack. He sounded like Jack when I would come home afta' a run in with the Delanceys. Or afta' a lost bet. Or a won bet. And I found myself wonderin' how I'd feel if Jack was there. If he was there ta run a hand through my hair and tell me I's was alright. If he was there ta clean out the wounds I, no doubt, had all ova' me. But I shook my head at myself. Jack didn't want me. And I didn't need him... I didn't need my brother.

"They hit ya with a gun," he explained. His voice seemed so loud ta me. I felt him lift up my body, so's I could let my head lay on his leg. "...you're bleedin', Race..." his voice was terrified. I could barely keep my own eyes open.

"...I'll be fine..." I mumbled. Everything felt like it was spinnin'.

I heard my friend sniffle. "You ain't fine, ya idiot! Your head is bleedin'!" Crutchie was so scared. And I didn't know how ta calm him down. "They's gonna separate us."

I felt my stomach drop. They's couldn't do that. "I won't let 'em." I swore. No way in hell. "'M not gonna let... let 'em..." God was was it so hard ta speak.

"Shut up, Race." The kid's voice was shakin'. So was I. Everythin' hurt. I couldn't open my eyes. It was too bright. It was around midnight. "Ya can't fight anyone and ya know it. Please don't try and fight 'em no more." As much as I hated ta say it, my friend was right. I's could hardly move. And I wasn't okay with it.

Next thing I knows, I woke up on the floor of a small wooden room. There was bunks everywhere. Boys were sittin' and layin' 'round in silence. Like they's was afraid ta speak. I couldn't sit up. My head was pounding and pain shot through me whenever I tried ta move. I heard myself gaspin' for air but I couldn't feel myself breathin'.

"Crutch-..." I cut myself off with a cry of pain as I tried ta sit up. I hurt. Everything hurt.

"You're friend is downstairs," I heard someone say. I couldn't see them. I don't even know if my eyes were open or not. "He's with the younger kids." The voice was not friendly. It was annoyed. "He wouldn't stop screamin'."

This made my eyes shoot open. I sat up, immediately regretting it when all the contents of my stomach were emptied on the ground next ta me. I couldn't stop it. I don't know how long I sat there like that, coughin' and hackin' on the floor. There wasn't much ta come up. I didn't rememba the last time I ate. But it seemed like hours before it stopped. I couldn't hardly move. But the question was still on my mind. "Is he okay?"

My voice must've been almost silent. I was on my hands a knees. I tried ta push myself up, but I couldn't do it. I heard the same voice scoff at me. "Don't know, don't care." I wasn't cryin'. My throat was just hurtin', is all. Made my eyes water.

Stupid kid. Stupid, stubborn, hardheaded, lousy little crip. He shouldn't of been out there! It was my fault! My fault he was here, in this mess! And there wasn't a damn thing I's could do 'bout it. He was sick and his body couldn't handle this place's abuse.

Yeah, I's've been here before. I looked over ta the window in the room and so many memories filled up my mind. Memories that were hard to think about. That was the window where Jack used ta sit when I got dragged here the first time. He used ta sit there fer hours at night, while the guards was gone. I'd sit right next ta it and he would reach through the bars afta' a beatin' and... he'd hold my hand. He'd ruffle my hair and tell me I's would be okay. That was my friend Jack Kelly. That was my big brother. I missed my big brother. I needed him. But Jack wasn't comin' for me.

_"We don't need ya..."_

It had ta have been true. They didn't need me screwin' up no more. No more losin' money from stupid bets. No more gettin' picked on by the Delanceys cause of my stupid mouth. Maybe the boys would be betta off without me. I didn't belong there. I didn't belong no where.

I was in and out of reality for the next few hours. I didn't know what was happenin'. Just that boy's would kick me and tell me I's was in their way. But I couldn't get up on my own. I was gonna die there. I woulda died there if it weren't for the guards that came in and forced me up. The cuffed my hands behind my back again. I fought against them, but my head still hurt like hell. I felt boys' eye on me as I was dragged from the room.

"Walk ya little idiot!" I couldn't. No matta' how hard I tried, I couldn't. They's tried force me ta use my feet. I rememba' fallin' on my face a lot. I couldn't do nothin' ta stop it.

...It'd only been a few lousy hours. Barely a day.

I didn't know where they was takin' me before I's was in _his_ office. I was dropped down onta my knees before the door slammed behind me. It was too loud. I couldn't even open my eyes ta see what the bastard wanted. It hurt. But I did hear someone call out my name. Then I felt hands on my back. I tried ta shove 'em off, but nothin' happened.

"Race... it's just me." Oh God... it was Crutchie. When I opened up my eyes, everythin' was all hazy. But I could see the tears in my brother's eyes. Why the hell was he so upset.

"Ah, Mr. Higgins..." I could feel myself breathin' harder. I was about ta puke. No doubt 'bout that. But I couldn't. I didn't want Crutchie ta see me like that. But the next words that left the man's mouth made my head shoot up... I might've screamed a little bit. It hurt like hell. "I believe you know Mr. Kelly."

Jack. No way. No way in hell Jack was there right now. But as my head shot up and Crutchie tried ta calm me down, I's saw him. He was standin' next ta the Spider. I couldn't place the look on his face, but I knew somethin' changed. This wasn't the Jack Kelly that attacked me last night. It was my friend. It was my brother.

I tried ta get up, but I couldn't. My body still hurt too bad. Crutchie held me down. Poor kid's voice was shakin' so bad. "It's okay, Race. Stay down. You're gonna be fine." Fine? How on earth could I be fine if Jack was here right now. Jack was in the Refuge. He shouldn't be here. Neither should Crutchie. I wasn't 'bout ta let this happen.

"He'll be taking your place." I shook my head and my eyes locked with Jack. No. No, this wasn't happenin'.

"No... No Jack, ya can't... just..." It still hurt ta talk, but I didn't care. I couldn't let Jack take the punishment for my crimes. I couldn't do it. "Ya don't need me, Jack!" I was screamin' without even thinkin'. I couldn't think. It was too hard. "Let Crutchie go! I'll stay. Don't make them stay for me! It's my fault!" Everything was startin' ta go dark. I felt dizzy. But my younger friend held me up right.

I heard someone drop down in front of me. Then there were fingers brushing up against my cheek. As much as I wanted ta pull away, I's couldn't. It felt ta familia'. I missed it. "I didn't mean it, Racer." Racer. That name. It felt like years since he'd called me Racer. He called me Racer when he tried ta get me ta go back ta sleep at night. Or when I'd see people from my past. He'd call me Racer when he was tryin' ta calm me down. I's missed that name. "I's didn't mean none of it and I'm sorry fer puttin' ya through that." He grabbed Crutchie's hand and held up my cheek with his other one. I could barely keep my eyes open.

"Jack... don't do this..." I couldn't... I couldn't be the reason he went through this again. Not again. Not ta him. He may be an idiot. I still don't know what the hell was goin' on in his head last night, but this was the boy that saved my life when I was eight years old. He took me in. This was my brother. This was Jack Kelly. And I couldn't let that happen again. But he wasn't about ta let me stop him.

"Get back home." He wasn't talkin' ta me no more. He was talkin' ta our gimp friend. "Make sure he don't do nothin' stupid." I tried ta rip my hands outta the damn cuffs. But Jack just gave me a sad look and shook his head. The rest was a little blurry. He was talkin' ta Crutchie a lot. I didn't blame him. I could barely hear a word he said.

But then he looked back at me. "Take care of 'em, Race." I wasn't cryin'. I don't cry. I felt Jack press a quick kiss ta my head and I could guess he did the same ta Crutch. Then he stood up and I saw a guard cuff his hands behind his back.

"No Jack. Don't do this." I was barely aware I was even talkin'. But I felt myself be grabbed and someone was draggin' me away. I tried ta fight against 'em. "No! Stop! I'll stay!" I would. I would stay there with Jack. "Please! I'll stay. I'll stay, I'll stay..."

"Don't worry, Mr. Higgins. You'll see Jack again in three months." And that was it. Then we were out on the streets. It was the next night. No one was out and we was alone. At least we thought we was. Until there was arms 'round my chest and someone was pickin' me up off the ground. I tried ta get away.

"Lemme go!" But they didn't. I just didn't like it. I didn't like bein' held down.

"Shut up, Race, it's Al." I opened my eyes. I didn't even know they'd been closed. But, sure enough, I's saw Albert's head right ova' mine. He was tryin' ta lift me up. Specs had Crutchie up on his back. Kid looked exhausted. I didn't know if he'd been hurt. But if he had been, it was my fault. It was all my fault. "JoJo, get ova' here and help, will ya?"

I felt someone grab my legs. I tried ta struggle against 'em. No one really seemed ta notice. "Be careful," someone said. "He's hurt real bad."

I think I passed out afta' that. It was a mess. I woke up ta a lot a' different voices and I couldn't understand any of 'em. Then I'd lose it again. I didn't understand. I just wanted Jack ta be here. I wanted Jack ta wake me up and tell me it was all a dumb dream. It didn't happen though.

"Cmon, Race... it's been days... wake up. Please wake up..." The poor kid's voice broke me. It was quiet, like he just woke up from a nightmare. My eyes fought to be open and I saw Crutchie. Kid was sobbin'. I couldn't barely move. But I blinked and cleared my vision so's I could see my friend betta'. My head was on his leg. He was runnin' hands through my hair. It felt good. But there was tears streamin' down his face. He looked so young right then. Too young to have been through everythin' he'd been through in his little life.

"Crutch..." I could speak easy now. It didn't hurt so much. My head still hurt, but less than it did before. My whole body felt heavy but I reached my hand up anyway to grasp his hand.

"Race!" he whispered back at me. I saw the tears and the way he looked around. He thought he might be dreamin'. "You've been sleepin' for days..."

I felt terrible. I wanted him ta just go back ta sleep. It was dark out, no doubt past midnight. The room was so quiet. I knew the boys were sleepin'. But I couldn't go back ta sleep. There was somethin' I had ta do.

"I's sorry, Crutch..." I was quiet. I had ta be. I couldn't wake up anyone else. "Go back ta sleep," I ordered as gently as I could. The poor kid didn't need ta be told twice. He drifted off in a matter of minutes.

I don't know how I made it out. My legs were wobbly. I felt like I's'd been on a boat fer days. But I made it down the fire escape. And then I was walkin'. I went through alleys and empty streets for a while before I made it. I was holdin' myself up on walls and doors and then I was lookin' up at another fire escape.

It was hard ta make it up the thing. I had ta stop and let my head stop spinnin' a few times. But I made it. I made it back ta that window. I held the bars tight and started ta tap on the glass, lightly. I knew where he'd be. He was always in the same spot. Told me so hisself.

Sure enough, a head popped up from under the window. The glass was dirty but I could see him. And he opened up the window so's I could see the bruises that covered his face. I didn't like the way he looked. Like he was tired and hungry and thirsty. And it was my fault.

"What the hell are ya doin' here, Racetrack?" Jack's voice was rough and tired but he still gave me his best glare. "You's gonna get caught. _Again_." I flinched at his tone. But he didn't sound made at me. More like he was actually scared a' me bein' thrown back in there.

I didn't ansa' him. For once in my life, I shut my mouth. I carefully reached my hand through the bars. He looked down at it fer a minute, like he was afraid ta take it er somethin'. But he did anyways. And he started cryin'. I's only memba' a few times I's had seen my big brother cry. But he wasn't cryin' cause a' the beaten he'd had or cause a' the sleep he was losin' or cause it was freezin' cold in that room a' boys that didn't give a damn about each other.

"I's so sorry, Race..." He was cryin' fer me. He was squeezin' my hand so tight. I didn't care. I leaned my forehead against the bars. It was cold, but Jack did the same thing. I didn't say a word. Our heads touched and he kept on 'pologizin' like what happened a few days ago mattered any more. Idiot. "I need ya, ya know that?" I knew he wasn't lyin' ta me. That was when those other, ugly words didn't matta' no more. "You're my brotha'."

I... I don't cry.

When I got back home, I got a scoldin' from Crutchie. Said I was an idiot. I just said so was he. I was right, a' course. But it was worth it. It was worth draggin' my ass all the way back ta that prison just ta see Jack. I went back a few times in the next coupla days. Took Crutchie with me too. Kid was worried ta death bout our big brotha'. But about three days lata' was the night that would go down in history for the newsies.

I was sittin' at the table, playin' poker with Al and Elm. We was makin' jokes and I was takin' all there money. I wasn't cheatin'! But they's neva' believed me. It ain't cheatin', so long as ya don't get caught.

Anyways, Crutchie was watchin' me from the couch. Hadn't left my side in days. He forced me ta go see Medda. Miss Larkin said I got somethin' called a concotion... er concussion. She's said I had ta be real careful. No more fights for a while. I was doin' my best. Crutchie didn't let me sell fer a while. I tried ta tell him I was in command while Jack was away, but he didn't care. He said he wasn't bout ta let me pass out on the streets with no one 'round ta help. I didn't think there was a point in tryin' ta fight with him.

I was collectin' my money when the door ta the lodgin' house was pushed open. I didn't turn around. I assumed it was gonna be one of the boys who'd stayed out late. Maybe Mush or Romeo, out with anotha' unsuspectin' girl. But the whole room went silent. I saw Crutchie's eyes fill with tears as he stood on his shaky leg. He'd been hurt in that hell they called the Refuge. But he neva' admitted it. He moved so quickly and I couldn't help but look behind me.

"Jack!"

My heart just about stopped. It had only been a week. It felt like years. I saw Crutchie drop down with Jack. The two held onta each other like their lives depended on it. I took my latest cigar outta my mouth and set it on the table. My legs were shakin' but I didn't care. I ran ta him. I fell before I could make it to him, but somehow his arms wrapped around me anyways.

"Hiya boys." Me and Crutchie didn't say nothin'. Just let Jack latch onta us. He was shakin'. I could feel him shakin'.

"H-how'd ya get out?" I heard Crutchie ask. The kid was sobbin' again.

"I rode out on the governor's carriage." Jack laughed as he held onta us tighter. The other boys came around too and hugged him.

I looked up at him. He had ta be jokin'. No way a governor would be at a children's prison and actually take a child out of it. "I ain't kiddin'!" he defended with a smile. Then, without another word, he grabbed my wrist and helped Crutchie to grab his crutch and he lead us outside.

I couldn't believe it. Jack Kelly was somethin' else. There was a carriage riding off in the distance. "You escaped jail on the back of Teddy Roosevelt's carriage?" Crutchie was in awe of our brother.

"No way!"

"How'd ya swing that?"

I didn't say anythin'. I'd known Jack foreva'. He could do anythin'. I knew he could. He wasn't that monsta' that held me ta a wall a few days ago. This was my best friend. My brother.

Lata' that night, when all the boys was asleep, I made it ta Jack's bed. Crutchie was asleep on top a' him, but I knew Jack betta than ta think he was sleepin'.

He opened his eyes and smiled up at me and waved for me ta sit next ta him. So I did. He ran a hand through my hair before he grabbed my hand. Then he was talkin'. His voice was so quiet cause the crip asleep on his chest. But I still heard him. "Ya know I woulda neva' said those things ta ya if I's was thinkin' straight, right?"

I nodded, immediately. Maybe that night I hadn't, but I did now.

"I'm sorry, Jack..." I whispered out. He just pulled me down into his arms.

"I love ya, little brotha'."

I don't cry. Not for no one. Well... maybe for my brotha's. Maybe only when Jack held me like that. Because that's when I realized somethin'. I belong somewhere. This is my family.

So here my secret. Yeah, I cry.

Now get lost.


	2. Jack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All he could do was give himself up. It was for them. It would always be for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the whole story from Jack’s POV! I hope y’all enjoy!

I was runnin'. I couldn't look back. If I's looked back... I couldn't. I couldn't look back. It was like all those dreams that I's had just had ova' and ova' again. Ova' and ova' and ova' all's I could see was... _him_. I could see him with chains and metal sticks and I's couldn't turn around. If I turned around he'd take me back. I couldn't do it! Not again... not fer nothin'!

I was just out sellin' papes. I was alone taday. Crutchie was sick in bed. Poor kid didn't even have much ta keep him warm. Our lousy blankets were tearin' and stiff. I didn't have 'nough money ta get him the meds he needed, eitha'. And I's was sellin' so many papes for so many boys. I didn't want 'em out here, like this. The littles didn't have coats or any good shoes. It was too cold for 'em. I was not losin' one of 'em ta this damn weather. No way.

I's heard the whistle blow. It was loud. And I saw bulls movin' in the crowd. I counted three. And then _him_. He was closer ta me than any of the others. I ducked into an ally. It was the one I could run through ta get home. Ta get ta my boys. And I hadn't prayed in so long till that day. That day when the last few of my papes fell outta my hand and I was goin' as fast as I could ta get back ta my brothas.

Then, I heard the whistle blow again. But this time, it wasn't behind me...

He was at the end of my shortcut. He had cuffs in his hands. I don't know how he did it, but he was there, blockin' me in, away from my boys. I just wanted my boys. It was cold. I wanted ta huddle tagetha' with 'em and keep 'em as warm as I could. But all's I could do was take a few steps back when the Spida' took a step closa' ta me.

"Jack Kelly..." Snyder had a smile on his face. It made me feel a little sick. "Where are all your little friends on this fine day?" he spat out, closin' in on me. I know I neva' tell my brothas I'm scared... but I am. I's can't go back there. Not again.

"Leave 'em outta this." And my boys were not goin' back there eitha'. Most of 'em have it rough as it is. Ain't no way I'm puttin' any of 'em in danger. Neva'. But Snyda' didn't care. He just smirked that stupid smirk that he always had on his face. He's evil. I knows it. He has ta be. The devil musta been in him. I swear that man didn't even have a heart.

"Sorry, Mr. Kelly, I'm afraid your friends are not going to be left out of punishment for all the crimes they've committed." He ain't sorry. Neva' will be. And I had ta get outta there. So's I did what I had ta do. I ran up ta him and pushed him away with all the strength I had. The bulls were everywhere but I knew the streets. All's I had ta do was get away long enough ta make a run for it.

I grabbed the metal cuffs outta Snyda's hand and pushed him back inta the wall. Then I ran through two a' the guards that tried ta grab me. I slapped the cuffs around their wrists and ran for it. I just had ta make it home. Back ta my boys. I had ta get back ta them.

I kept runnin' till I made it ta the fire escape. I climbed up, like always, before I climbed in the window and shut the thing tight behind me. And then I fell ta the ground. I could heard myself breathin'. Fer a minute, I couldn't move.

_"Get up, boy!"_

_"Stop screaming, you weak little bastard!"_

_"Your friends aren't gonna miss you. You couldn't protect them anyways!"_

I winced when I remembered those words. They still hurt. My friends were more than friends. They was my brothas. I's rememba when I came back. Crutchie was holdin' onta me so tight and Race... he was cryin'. But that kid'll deny it till the day he dies. Told me about all the boys. They's was so hard ta deal with when I was gone, they said. They's was all upset and actin' up. And Race and Crutchie couldn't handle it all by themselves. Hell, I can't even do it all by myself... just... uh... don't tell my boys. And if Spot eva' found out, I'd be done for.

Oh how I wished I could be out in Santa Fe. If only I's could get there. Be away. Away from the bulls and the Refuge. One day... it wouldn't be such a crazy wish.

I sighed and looked around. The room was quiet. Every boy in it was asleep, 'side from one of my boys. My second. Race was at his bunk. I heard him sniffle. He musta been freezin'. I's saw him give his coat ta Romeo this mornin'. The littles were the coldest. The littles and... Crutchie. Race had been givin' up his coat and sleepin' with the younga' kids fer warmth. I's was doin' the same thing fer 'em too. I had ta huddle togetha' with Albert, Crutchie and Finch last night ta keep warm.

I took a glance over at my crippled brotha. Last I'd seen him, he was shiverin' under one lousy blanket. Now he was warmer. I didn't get why. Till I's saw 'em. Blankets. There was more a' them than when I left this mornin'. There was at least five more of 'em. Then I caught sight a' Race. He glanced back at me and then made a rush fer the door. And an odd feelin' burned inside me.

I don't rememba' much... I's only saw _him_. He was comin' fer us.

_"Thief!"_

I could hear it. I could see it all happenin'.

_"Search the house!"_

Oh god, I could see it all happenin'. They'd search the house... they'd find us! They'd drag him away! They'd take Race and who knows who else and all I saw was red.

"Racetrack Higgins, get your ass ova' here!" I was in the hall. I don't rememba' walkin'. All's I could think about was that Spida' that just cornered me less than a half hour ago. And he was comin', I knew it. And Race was not helpin'.

I watched him turn around with his cigar. Suddenly, he did not look like the boy I knew. I's couldn't see my friend. His blue eyes that were normally so friendly, made me feel cold. He looked like he didn't care. Like he didn't care that what he did might get us all locked up. And the next word he said was, "What?" like he didn't do nothin' wrong. Like he was above us. And I didn't like it.

"You know damn well 'what', Higgins!" What the hell was wrong with me? Race? Was I really yellin' at one of my best friends? God, was I shakin'? But then I's looked again. I swear I couldn't actually see my brotha. Snyda was comin' and this kid was gonna get us all caught. This stupid kid that only looked like Race. It couldn't a' been him. My eyes musta been workin' wrong.

The stupid kid in front a' me smirked and shook his head. "I don't know what you're talkin' bout, Kelly." And all's I could see was Snyda'. His stupid smirk was stuck in my head.

_"I'm afraid your friends are not going to be left out of punishment for all the crimes they've committed."_

Oh, I ain't lettin' it happen. Ova' my dead body. So, when he tried ta walk away, I grabbed his arm. I threw him 'gainst the wall and for a minute his eyes weren't blue no more. They was a really dark brown cola'. And he wasn't the pale, skinny fighter I's knew. He was talla' and bigger and he could cut through me with one glare. And I could feel myself startin' ta lose it. So's I held his arms above him. It was harder ta move that way.

"Get off a' me, Kelly!" His voice was way higher than it shoulda been. And I's could see him again. Kid looked terrified. But I didn't let go. I's could still hear Snyda' in my head. And Race didn't understand. I know he'd been there before, but he didn't get it. So's I was gonna make him understand. "Jack, get off!" His voice cracked and his face started turnin' pink. And somethin' about it felt real familia'. I just couldn't place it.

"You listen ta me, Higgins." My voice was harsher than I wanted it ta be. But I couldn't say what was in my head. Fer some reason, it wouldn't work. And so's I just kept holdin' him down, but I saw less and less a' Race and more and more of... _him_. And he tried ta fight against me, put I held him back.

_"Stop tryin' ta fight it, Kelly. You're not strong enough to protect yourself. Your friends are probably doing just fine without you."_

The words from all those months ago made me feel sick...

"Lemme go, Jack!" Race? Suddenly, I was back. Race was strugglin' against me and I still held him down. Fer some reason my hands wouldn't let go. I wouldn't get off a' him. "Lemme go!" The kid was beggin'. His voice as higher than normal and his eyes were so big and scared. And no matta' how bad I wanted ta let him go, I couldn't. "We're freezin', Jack!" He was yellin' at me like I didn't know it. Like I didn't know that my boys were sick and possibly dyin'. Oh God... I couldn't do it. "Romeo and Sniper had ta sleep in my bed last night cause they's was so cold!" I know! Why wouldn't it come outta my mouth? I know, damn it! But I couldn't let him go. He'd go out and do somethin' else stupid enough ta get him hunted down. Ta bring down the whole house. I's couldn't.

I saw the tears in his eyes. He was holdin' 'em back, but I could see 'em. "Crutchie's sick!" My heart stopped fer a second. No... not Crutchie. Not the kid. He'd been through too much ta lose now. He was gonna be fine... he had ta be fine. "What did ya want me ta do?!"

He was bein' stupid. He was gonna get us caught! "You go around, pullin' your irresponsible, stupid, arrogant crap with your damn cocky attitude, you're gonna get caught and you're gonna drag us all down with ya!"

_"This is your last chance, Jack. Behave or it's your friends next."_

_"How about we go find ourselves another newsboy to keep you company? Maybe then you'll cooperate!"_

_"I'm not gonna rest until all those little thieves are locked up for good!"_

I couldn't do it. Not again. But I couldn't even think before the next words were spoken. "We don't need ya, Race!"

Did I say that? It couldn'ta been me. No way in hell. Race was my best friend. Sure, he was stupid sometimes but... why was I sayin' these things?

Before I knew it, more crazy things were spillin' outta my mouth. Things that were no where near true. But then Race was different again. He wasn't the Race I knew. It was all in my head. It had ta be. Race wasn't the evil boy with the smirk and the Devil's glare in front a' me. It was like his body was taken ova'. Like my body was taken ova'. What was wrong with me?

"Ya come around here, smokin' that damn cigar, playin' your little card games, startin' fights with some of the littles and I'm sick a' it. I don't need ya makin' matta's worse, Higgins." What the hell, Kelly?! What're ya thinkin'?! It's Race! Racetrack Higgins! "Kids are already sick. I've been up for days tryin' ta pay rent for all of 'em and you think it's okay ta go out and give the bulls a reason ta search the house?" Why am I shakin?! What the hell's wrong with my eyes?! One minute I'm seein' my brotha, and the next I'm lookin' straight at the devil. I don't get it!

"Jack, stop it." That voice was familiar, but I's was too busy tryin' ta figure out who I was really talkin' to in front a' me. Then I saw those dark eyes again, so's I pushed him back inta the wall ta see the terrified blue ones all ova' again. And then I backed away, not really expectin' the person ta push me back inta the otha' wall. And afta' that, all's I knew was someone was fightin' me and I'd be damned if I's wasn't gonna fight back.

"Knock it off, Jack!" That was when the spell broke. Suddenly, I's could see again. And I didn't like what I saw.

Fer the first time in hours, I actually saw my friend. Race was on his ass across from me. He was absolutely terrified and I could see the tears runnin' down his face. He was grabbin' at his wrists like he was afraid of not bein' able ta do it again. Ta be able ta move his hands. And he was shakin'. He was breathin' too hard and his head was movin' around so fast, lookin' for anyway ta get outta there and suddenly, I knew why it all felt so familiar.

_I could see the kid I didn't know yet. He was tied up tight in an old shack out back of a run down house. His hands were tied up ova' his head. His feet were barely touchin' the ground. There was a cloth in his mouth. Poor kid couldn't even call fer help._

_He was covered in bruises. Didn't even have a shirt on ta try ta cover 'em up. There was blood in his hair. His hair was supposed ta be blonde. I's had seen this boy before. He spun stories on the street and picked pockets for some extra cash. None a' us had any clue he neva' actually got ta keep it._

_When I went ta set him free, I saw the brightest blue eyes I's have eva' seen in my life._

_I rememba' when he started yellin' at me when I took the gag outta his mouth. He couldn't barely speak English. He was an Italian boy. I didn't understand a word he said._

_It took me foreva' ta cut him loose. I didn't find out till later that that was how he was kept every night. Held down by ropes and cloths and beaten every now and again ta make sure he knew who was in charge._

_If I hadn't heard some whimpers, the kid might as well be dead by now. And that thought scared me like nothin' else._

I didn't know what happened till I was back in the bedroom. "Stupid!" I shouted at myself. Why would I do that? How could I do that? Race had been ta hell and back and I had the nerve ta hold him down like that? What the hell kind of a brother am I?

I didn't care if I's was cryin'. I didn't care if I's was hittin' the damn wall so hard my knuckles were bleedin'. And I didn't care that Crutchie was watchin' me from the doorway. All I cared about was gettin' Race back here in one piece. He was my best friend. Him and Crutchie both. I don't know what I'd do without 'em.

_"We don't need ya..."_

I felt my own words breakin' me. And I turned around and slid down the wall. I knew my crippled friend was waitin' fer me. And it took me a long time ta catch my breath and say somethin'.

"Crutch... I-" I cut myself off. I didn't deserve a friend right now. If there was someone my boys didn't need right now, it was me. Race wasn't bein' stupid, I was. If he hadn't stolen the blankets, I woulda. I knows I woulda. Crutchie was freezin' this mornin' and Romeo was coughin' like crazy. The kid may be reckless but he was not stupid.

"What's goin' on in that head a' yours, Jackie?" Crutchie sat on the bunk next ta me. I didn't say nothin'. I shook my head. I couldn't say anythin'. It was stupid. How could I?! If only I could get on a train. Go out ta Santa Fe and get away these kids. I couldn't ruin 'em anymore.

"Cmon, Jack, I only eva' see ya actin' so stupid afta' ya..." I was glad he didn't finish his sentence. I couldn't think 'bout it no more. It was too close. So's I pulled my knees ta my chest and let my head fall on my arms. "Jack why wouldn't ya tell me that?" It was a fair question. I neva' kept secrets from Crutchie. Neva'. We's have known each otha' foreva'. We's became newsies tagetha' afta' livin' on the streets fer years with only each otha'. But it didn't matta'. I couldn't get myself ta talk. "Jack if ya don't get off your ass right now and go find him, I will. Get your head outta that place out West and get back here! He didn't deserve that and ya know it!" I didn't. Oh God, why didn't I? Stupid kid. If I's had only believed him.

Race... of course he didn't deserve that. None of it. He was still a kid and I put him back inta the prison he grew up in. I knew I was cryin', but I hid my face. My boys couldn't see it. I couldn't let 'em see me like that.

When I looked up, Crutchie was gone. I saw Albert ova' by Romeo's bunk. He was rubbin' the coughin' kid's forehead. He shook his head. "He's gone, Jack." Stupid kid. Stupid, stubborn kid!

I ran. I ran as fast as I could. Crutchie may be a gimp, but damn, that boy could get somewhere real quick when he wanted to. I was screamin' his name. "Crutchie?!" Nothin'. "Crutchie!" Still silence. So in one last, desperate, attempt to find him, I screamed again. "Race?!"

I was shakin'. It musta been from the cold this time. No way I was still that upset. I'm Jack Kelly, for God's sake.

I stepped on somethin'. I thought it was nothin' but when I looked down at it, my heart stopped. It was a cigar. And it wasn't just any cigar. It was Race's cigar. The one he just stole two days ago. And there was no way that kid would just leave his most prized possession layin' in the mud.

I saw the horse tracks and the tire tracks. It didn't take long ta know where they were. And it didn't take long for my panic ta run through my head. No doubt in my mind that Crutchie found Race. And no doubt in my mind where they was.

The Refuge.

I was goin' numb. I couldn't feel my legs no more. It musta been why I was on my knees. But I picked up the cigar. I held it real tight in my hands.

What have I done?

I stared up at the thing. That stupid buildin' that I spent so much a' my life locked inside.

"Ya sure ya wanna do this, Jack?"

I almost shook my head at Al's question. But then I actually thought about it. I could do it. I had ta do it. Fer my brothas. Fer Race and Crutchie. I had ta get 'em out. I could do this. I could do it for them.

"Yeah... I'm sure." I turned around and gave my three friends a hug. Specs, Albert and JoJo. The youngest was holdin' back tears. Poor kid. "I'll be okay." They all nodded, but I ain't too sure they's actually believed me. "Make sure ya get 'em home. Make sure they's safe." And that was all I could say before I was walkin' inta hell.

Some guard grabbed my arm. He was shovin' me forward a lot. But I didn't fall. I wasn't gonna give inta them. Then we was outside the office. _His_ office. He was a hell of a Spida'.

The guard pushed me forward. "The boy says he wants ta talk ta ya 'bout a trade." I saw that smirk. I didn't like it. It was too familia'. And it made me feel sick.

"Mr. Kelly? To what do I owe the pleasure?" He started rubbin' his hands tagetha'. Like he knew this would happen. But I didn't care. I just needed ta get 'em outta here. Crutchie wouldn't make it too far, bein' sick and all. And Race... oh that kid needed out. He couldn't be locked up. Not again. Not afta' the things he's done. The things he didn't have a choice in doin'. Not afta' everythin' he's lived through.

"You have two a' my boys." I crossed my arms and pulled myself away from the guard. I didn't need him ta hold me up. I could stand on my own. I ain't weak.

Snyda' shrugged. He looked down at some papers on his desk. "Higgins and Morris?" The man was evil. I swear he was the Devil. He had a happy look in his eyes. And I nodded.

"I'll serve for 'em. Just let 'em go." I thought it would be harda' than that. I thought I'd have ta fight my way through the rooms ta look for my boys. But I didn't.

"Get the rats." It was that simple. The guard did as he was told. And I waited there in silence with the Spida'. He just smiled at me. I knew right then. This was the plan all along. Drag my boys in so's he'd get me too. Get the money he lost when I's left. _Bastard_.

"Jack!" Oh, Crutch. When they's pushed him inta the room, he almost fell flat on his face. He didn't have his crutch. I caught him. He held onta me so tight. I won't eva' ferget the way he was shakin'.

"Kid..." It was less than a day. Less than a day in this damn place. My brotha was already shakin'. He was already cryin' in my arms. He was already in pain. They already beat him. And all's I could do was hold onta him tighta'.

"Where's Higgins?!" Crutchie jumped when Snyda' yelled like that. This kid was too young and innocent ta be here. He had cuffs on. Couldn't even give me a real hug. It hurt ta know that. No matta' what the situation was, if Crutchie could just hold onta me, we'd be okay. All those freezin' cold nights in the garbage and those long days when he couldn't walk no more. But we was okay. We made it through tagetha'. It's just... we's couldn't do this foreva'.

"I'm so sorry, Crutch..."

He looked up at me and shook his head. "What're ya doin' here, Jack?" Poor kid... I had ta do this. I had ta get 'em out.

"I'm gettin' ya outta here, kid. You and Race... ya don't deserve this. You's was right." He was always right. Why didn't I listen ta this kid more often?

Then I heard someone else fall ta the ground. I glanced ova' Crutchie's head. I rubbed at my eyes when I saw him. I wasn't cryin'... but... seein' Race like that... it was hard.

His hands was behind his back. They was locked up tight. He was on his knees and his head was almost touchin' the ground. He was folded ova' on hisself like he was gonna throw up. He wouldn't open his eyes and he was breathin' too hard. I barely heard myself callin' his name before Crutchie was outta my arms, droppin' down right next ta our friend. I stood up, not ready ta face him. How could I, after what I's've done?

I watched him flinch and try to shake Crutchie off.

_"Johnny...?"_

I heard the fear in his voice back from the first day I met him. I watched him cower away from the man that had barged in while I was tryin' ta get him out. Oh, what have I done?

While Crutchie tried ta calm Race down, I couldn't move. I just watched tears run down both their faces. Man, Race was a wreck. He was shakin' and his face was soaked with tears. He couldn't get a full word out. Jeez, this was all my fault.

"Ah, Mr. Higgins..." Snyda' smirked at us. I neva' wanted ta hurt anyone more. That man was ready ta throw my boys back ta the streets. They was both hurt bad. I could tell. Crutchie had bruises all ova' him. And Race couldn't even pick hisself up off the floor. "I believe you know Mr. Kelly."

When Race looked up at me, I felt my heart breakin' inta a million pieces. He screamed because he moved too fast. It was loud and broken and Crutchie couldn't do nothin' ta stop the kid from movin'. His eyes were two different sizes. He had so many cuts and bruises on him.

"He'll be taking your place." The kid was terrified. He started shoutin' at me. It sounded like he was havin' trouble speakin'.

"N-...n-no... Ja... Jack..." the next words he spoke couldn't've been English. They were slurred and broken. What did they do ta this kid? But then he screamed somethin' all in one breath. "You don't need me, Jack!" Those words cut like a knife. They made me feel sick and I could feel the tears fallin' from my eyes. "Let C-Crutchie go! I-I'll stay...! Don't make 'em stay for me!" I barely understood him. The kid was tryin' ta get ta me but Crutchie held him down. He was hurt. He shouldn't be movin' 'round like that. "It's my fault... è colpa mia..." Kid was delirious. Only spoke in that language when we all knew he wouldn't even rememba' doin' it lata'. Brought back too many memories.

All I could do when he started speakin' his Italian was drop down in front a' him. I was happy when no one stopped me. And I brushed my fingas up against my friend's face while Crutchie held him up against his chest. The way he was lookin' at me... it was so familia'...

"I didn't mean it, Racer." He sobbed and leaned inta my hand. "I's didn't mean none of it and I'm sorry fer puttin' ya through that." Put him through the hell he'd already lived through. Dear God, what the hell was I thinkin'?

Crutchie reached out fer my hand. I grabbed it and held onta it tight. I held Race up at the same time. "J...Ja-ack... don't... d-don't do this..." Poor kid. He needed outta here. Both of 'em needed outta here. Race couldn't even keep his eyes open.

I looked back to Crutchie. My best friend was sobbing. His whole body was shakin'. "Get back home." I picked up both our hands and wiped a tear off his face. I hated seein' him cry. Kid was too tough for that. "Make sure he don't do nothin' stupid." I looked back ova' at Race. He tried to rip his hands outta the metal cuffs he had on. He could barely move. I shook my head at him. I didn't want him ta hurt hisself more.

"Jack... he can't stand alone. He can barely move. What's wrong with him?" I held Crutchie close when he asked that and we both looked ova' at our friend. His eyes wouldn't stay open, but he was lookin' straight at us. I still held his face in my hand. He would be on the ground without it.

"Ya gotta get him ta Medda when ya can. She'll know what ta do." Crutchie nodded inta my chest.

When Snyder cleared his throat behind us, Crutchie pulled away. And I's sighed, turnin' back ta Race. "Take care of 'em, Race." The kid sobbed onta me. He collapsed inta my chest. I kissed him on the head. Then I did the same ta Crutchie before I stood up and let the guard in the room cuff me.

Crutchie was a mess. He was sobbin'. And Race wasn't much betta'. "N-no..." The kid was slurrin' his words tagetha'. I couldn't stop the guards from closin' in on my brothas. "Jack... don't do th-this..." And then when Race was grabbed off the floor and both my boys were bein' dragged away, Racer started ta panic and his words were more forced when he screamed. "No! Stop! I'll stay!" He fought so hard and Crutchie tried ta reach ova' ta calm him down but the guard held him still. "Please! I'll stay. I'll stay! Rimarrò, rimarrò..."

"Don't worry, Mr. Higgins. You'll see Jack again in three months." Three months. I felt myself grow more and more worried. Three months of the boys on their own. I couldn't protect them from in here. _Three months_.

I watched them drag my brothas away. I couldn't stop 'em from pushin' them and throwin' 'em around. And then Snyda ordered them ta take me back ta the rooms. I was thrown in with a mop and a bucket.

"Your friend puked all ova' the place. Clean it up." Then the door was slammed and I's was locked in. I could feel myself startin' ta get nervous. I didn't like bein' locked in. But it was worse when they's would take me out and back ta Snyda'. I hated him.

_"You don't deserve anything!"_

_"What's wrong, Kelly? Can't protect yourself?"_

_"You're weak, Boy!"_

I wasn't! I ain't weak. I _hated_ him. And the stunt he pulled taday would neva' leave my stupid head.

I looked around at the otha' boys. They was starin' at me. I didn't care. I just started ta do what I was told. If I didn't, Snyda' would bring 'em back. I'm young. I ain't stupid. He would do it. So's I started ta clean up Race's vomit. Damn it, I got him inta this. I couldn't stop the tears from streamin' down my face while I started moppin' up the floors. I couldn't stop the memories that passed through my head. The memories of the day I became friends with a new boy. A boy who had neva' had a friend in his life.

I rememba teachin' him how ta speak English. How ta sell. I taught him how ta find short cuts ta dodge the bulls and how ta get ta Brooklyn if he needed to. Me and Spot had an... arrangement of sorts afta' the night I rescued Race. I may have made people believe he was the toughest kid in New York. And Spottie had taken a likin' ta my friend. They was always playin' poka' tagetha'. But that's a story fer anotha' time.

I loved the kid. And he told me his story once. His pop got inta debt with one a' the gangs 'round town. They took the kid as payment. The old man didn't even try ta stop 'em. They's said they's would let him go when they got all their money back. But they didn't. Race was with 'em fer years 'fore I found him. They watched him wheneva' he went outside. Made damn well sure he couldn't make a run fer it.

I shook my head. I hated it. Hated that I couldn't get back ta him, 'pologize fer bein' so damn stupid. But I couldn't.

Ova' the next few days, the boys treated me like a maid. The guards let 'em. I didn't matta' ta them. One time, I yelled at 'em. I was tired. Hadn't slept in days. All I could see when I closed my eyes was Race's face. He was terrified. And Crutchie. So angry and disappointed.

I is an idiot.

They dragged me ta Snyda's office. I kicked and punched and tried ta get away but I couldn't. Snyder soaked me good.

_"Stop screamin' ya little bastard!"_

I shuddered, draggin' myself back ta my spot. That was just anotha' sentence that I would live with foreva'.

I always slept unda' the window. Made me feel safa'. I wasn't sittin' fer two minutes before I heard it. Tappin' on the window. It was loud and fast and I knew who it was.

Racer. Stupid kid. What the hell did he think he was doin'? "What the hell are ya doin' here, Racetrack?" He looked terrible. Like he'd been asleep fer days. Poor kid. His hair was a mess and his face was bruised up. He looked like he was havin' trouble holdin' hisself up. "You's gonna get caught. _Again_." I knew my voice was harsh. But I couldn't let it happen. Afta' the kid was in here last time... I just couldn't do it again.

In all the years I's've known Race, he only liked ta talk more and more. When I first met him, he didn't speak English too good, but he still liked ta talk. Always had somethin' ta say. But he didn't say a word. He just put his hand through the bars.

I shouldn'ta taken it. I didn't deserve it. I looked at his hand then up at his eyes. This boy... this kid and I had been through so much tagetha'. I took him unda' my wing so long ago and then he grew up. He did the same thing few so many otha' kids now. And we did it tagetha' too. And we's had saved each othas butts too many times ta count. We had always been there fer each otha'. And I still did that to him. I didn't deserve his fergiveness. But I remembad everything Snyda' had eva' said ta me.

_"Bastard!"_

_"Street rat."_

_"Weak."_

_"Stupid!"_

_"Alone! No one's coming for you!"_

I grabbed his hand. I needed him. I needed him so bad. My brotha'. I felt my breaths startin' ta get caught. I tried ta stop it. But I couldn't. I lost it. I held onta his hand so tight. "I's so sorry, Race..." My friend still didn't say nothin'. But he leaned his forehead up 'gainst the bars. It musta been freezin'. But I didn't care. I did it too. Our heads touched and for the first time in days it felt like I's could breathe. I felt like everythin' was okay. "I'm so so sorry, kid." I kept on sayin' it. I couldn't stop. "I need ya, ya know that?" I heard him sniffle and his breath was startin' ta shake. He was cryin' too. "You're my brotha'."

We musta sat there fer hours. Race was sobbin' and I wasn't much betta'. I needed out. When the kid left, I could tell he didn't want to. But Crutchie would be waitin' for him. No doubt about it. So's he had ta go. Couldn't keep our little brotha waitin' like that. Then he left. And I cried harda'.

Snyda' gave me anotha' beatin' that day. I didn't wake up fast enough. But wouldn't eva' tell Race that.

_"Keep on screaming, you pathetic rat!"_

I sat under the window. I know I shouldn't've been hopin'. But as I sat there prayin' for the train ta come and take me out West I found myself also wishin' fer my friend ta come back.

And then when the tappin' started I think I actually smiled. When I stood up, I saw two faces this time. "Crutchie!"

The kid was already cryin'. He was leanin' on Race. There was no way he made it up with his crutch. Race probably had ta carry him. "What are you two doin' here?"

I barely finished speakin' before Crutchie grabbed fer my hand and held it tight. "J-Jack..." It broke my heart that my brotha' was so scared. Race was rubbin' his back. "I'm sorry, Jack..."

"Shshshsh kid, I'm okay." It was only half true. Only because my two brothas were there. I took his hand and reached through the bars ta wipe away his tears. He didn't need 'em. "Calm down, Crutch. I is okay."

"Sorry, Jackie." I looked ova' ta see Race. He looked exhausted. Crutchie too, but it was different, like he put up a long fight. "He wouldn't let me go without him." I shook my head smiled at them both before lookin' around. It was the middle of the night. Snyda' wouldn't be around fer a while.

"It's okay, Racer." I reached through the bars and cupped his cheek. He leaned into it. Everythin' was okay. "It's okay."

They kept comin' back. Every night fer three days. Good thing too. I don't know what I woulda done if they didn't come back and make jokes with me and... hold my hand. And when they's left, I missed 'em. I missed 'em so much. I didn't deserve my boys. God, I just didn't deserve their forgiveness. But they gave it ta me anyways.

The next few days were hell. I rememba' gettin' beat by a few a' the otha' boys, but I didn't go down without a fight. There was neva' a winner. Always just two boys layin' on the ground covered in blood and bruises. And I couldn't take much more a' Snyda's visits eitha'. He always told me how pathetic I was. How my boys didn't really care 'bout me. Shows how much he knew. But he'd make me say stupid things. Like he was right. Even when I knew he wasn't. But I got myself inta this. If I hadn't been so cruel ta Race, he wouldn't a' been taken.

I rememba' the day I escaped real good. It was Thursday. I wasn't soaked too bad that day. Some a' the otha' boys was pickin' fights but I kept ta myself. The governa' came that day.

It was fate. It had ta be. He came up ta me. Ta _me_. He asked me why I was here. What I did ta get sentenced ta the Refuge. So's I told him, "They's was gonna hurt my brothas. I told Snyda' they could take me instead."

He said he was a governa'. He said he couldn't break the law. But then he said if a kid snuck inta the back a' his carriage while he wasn't lookin', well who could stop him. So while he got his mug in the papes I got my butt in the back seat and off we rode tagetha'. Back ta the house. Back ta my brothas.

When we passed the house, I jumped out. The gov waved a hand at me. I smiled at him before I was runnin' inside.

I shoved the door open ta the Lodgin' House. I don't care if it slammed er not. My boys was playin' cards at the table, just like always. But everyone stopped when I walked in. "Jack!" Crutchie was the first one up. He was practically runnin' with his crutch till he fell inta me. I caught him. Well, almost. He brought us down ta the floor, but I didn't care. I held onta the kid that I grew up with. The boy that I'd gone through thick and thin with. And he cried onta me while I looked up ta see Race. The kid was sittin' in his chair and I smiled at him. Before I knew it, he was runnin' ova' ta me. Poor kid got his foot caught on the chair, knockin' it ova', and he fell to the ground before he could make it ta me. But I just scooted me and my gimp friend ova' ta him and scooped him up.

"Hiya boys." I don't know if I's was cryin' or not. But I didn't care. I rememba' it bein' cold. I rememba' the beatin's catchin' up with me. I felt Race hold onta me tighta'. He could feel me shakin'. I knows he could. All's I could do was hold onta my brothas tighta'.

"H-how'd ya get out?" Oh, Crutch. I ran my hand through his hair. He was sobbin' so hard. My boys, they knew I was hurt. But it didn't matta'.

I knew they wouldn't believe me. But I told 'em anyways. "I rode out on the governor's carriage." Race's face was priceless. He was accusin' me a' lyin' with one look.

I felt otha' boys wrappin' their arms around me, but I wasn't done yet. "I ain't kiddin'!" They's still didn't believe it. So's I grabbed Race's wrist and wiped away his tears before I helped Crutchie grab his crutch. Then I dragged 'em outside. I could still see the carriage.

Crutchie's mouth was hangin' open and Race laughed. I put my arms around their shoulders and tried ta hang on 'em without lettin' 'em know how beat I was. "You escaped jail on the back of Teddy Roosevelt's carriage?" I laughed at my brotha's expression. The kid was somethin' else.

I heard some of the otha's askin' me how, but I glanced at Race. He just laughed and shook his head at me. I gave him a kiss on the head and watched the carriage keep ridin' off. I was sure this would make the papes the next day, no doubt about it. But I didn't care. All I cared about was bein' back with my brothas that I didn't deserve.

It was lata' when Crutchie came ova' ta me. I was layin' there with my eyes closed. I missed my own bed. It had only been a week, but sleepin' on a bed was somethin' I dreamed of in the Refuge. There wasn't no way I could make it ta the roof, and it was too cold anyhow, so I was gonna sleep inside that night with the boys. Well, almost sleep. Afta' the Refuge, sleep neva' came easy. 'Specially afta' I know it coulda been my brothas if it wasn't me.

"Can I... could I sleep with ya, Jack?" He didn't want ta sound like such a baby. But I didn't mind. I just scooted ova' and let him lay down next ta me. Or on top a' me. And he was asleep so quick. I smiled and kissed him on the head and then closed my eyes.

Only, a few minutes lata', I could feel someone starin' at me. I knew who it was. I opened up my eyes ta see Race standin' at the edge a' my bunk. He was lookin' down at the ground and I knew he felt guilty fer my stay at the Refuge. But it wasn't his fault. It was mine. So I waved him ova' and he sat down next ta me. He looked so sad. I ran a hand through his hair. He had a few tears strollin' down his face. "Ya know I woulda neva' said those things ta ya if I's was thinkin' straight, right?" The tears worked fasta' afta' that. But he nodded.

"I'm sorry, Jack..." Oh I don't know how I coulda eva' did what I did ta this poor kid. I pulled him down inta me.

"I love ya, little brotha'." I wished for that ta make it all okay. But I would neva' forget that day when I had treated my brotha' like my worst enemy. I swore ta myself it would neva' happen again. Race cried inta my shirt. I let him. I rubbed his back. I looked down at 'em. My boys. The two kids who had got me through the hard times in my life. I loved 'em more than anythin' in the world. And I realized somethin'. Somethin' that I hadn't realized before. Santa Fe could wait. My brotha's were here now and we still needed each otha'... yeah...

Santa Fe can wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading! Make sure to tell me what you liked, what you didn’t, what you’d change or what you’d improve by leaving me a review! Love ya, friends!


	3. Crutchie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All he could do was go after him, hoping they’d all just go home in the end. It was a much longer ride than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the last part! Crutchie’s POV! Enjoy!

It was so cold that night. I was tryin' ta sleep. I's was so tired. Alls I's rememba' was shakin' real bad. Jack musta woke me up in the mornin' ta tell me he was leavin'. He always did. Even though I's sick I tell him if he don't say bye I's'll soak him. But I was too tired ta rememba when he did it. Next thing I's know, something warm was on top a' me. It felt good. I can't think of a time before that when I's was that warm. And someone kissed my forehead.

"J-... J-Jack?" I heard a laugh. It wasn't Jack. I wanted it to be Jack. He would always sit with me and make sure I's was warm enough. He'd talk ta me and tell me ta go back ta sleep and when I woke up, he'd still be there. But if it wasn't Jack, I was glad it was the person it was.

"Sorry kid, it's just me." Race. "Go back ta sleep. You'll feel betta' in the mornin'." I believed him. Jack always said the same thing. And Race learned everything from Jack. So he had ta be right. He had ta be.

Then, it was colder in the room. I looked around. I musta fallen asleep fer a few minutes. I saw the window. It was open. I swear these boys are clueless sometimes. It wasn't just me who was sick this time. Some a' the littles had it too. I heard Romeo coughin'. He musta had it the worst. So's I got up. I had ta. Couldn't let that kid freeze 'cause one a' the boys thought it was a good idea ta leave the window open.

I closed it and tried ta walk back ta bed. I wasn't doin' so great on my own. My crutch wasn't enough ta keep me up. I tripped a few times. But no way I was callin' someone for help. I could do it. I didn't always need them ta baby me. And I made it back ta my bed. I made it just fine. I didn't need no one ta hold my hand.

I glanced around at all of 'em. The boys were too young to look so weak. They was pale and they's was sweatin'. Medda called it in... influ...? I don't 'memba'. I just knows it was bad. The kids didn't need it. I wanted it away. But there was nothin' I could do about it. Just let 'em rest with the new blankets ova' 'em.

Too bad somethin' had ya bang into the wall and scare half of 'em awake.

"Get off a' me, Kelly!" What the hell? "Jack, get off!" I ain't neva' heard Race's voice crack like that. Not even when he used ta wake up from bad dreams when he first came here. He ain't been scared a' nothin' in years. 'Specially not Jack. Neva' Jack.

"You listen ta me, Higgins." ...Jack? I got back up. It was hard ta walk, but I moved faster when I heard another bang. I heard Race gaspin'. What the hell was happenin'?

"C-Crutchie?" I was half way ta the door when Romeo called me. He coughed and I didn't have the heart ta keep goin' when he sounded like that. Poor kid was barely twelve years old. He sounded like he was dyin'. But he couldn't be. Jack said they'd be fine.

"Yeah pal?" I turned around ta him. He was sittin' up in his bed when Race started beggin' for Jack ta let him go. And the kid was cryin'. What was I s'posed ta do? I limped back ta him and pushed him back down onta the mattress. Tried ta do what Jack would do. What the real Jack would do. I don't know who was out there... but Jack hurtin' Race? It couldn't be...

"Why's Race screamin'?" He sounded terrified. Like he'd neva' heard his big brotha' screamin' before. _Beggin'_ before. He hadn't. Race always kept it all in till it was just him and Jack. Kept it from me too. I was sick of it, but that didn't mean I liked hearin' him beg Jack ta get offa him.

"I don't know kid... but it's okay. Go back ta sleep. You'll feel betta' in the mornin'." The kid nodded and closed his eyes. Jack said that. Jack was always right. But then I heard somethin' that made me question that.

"We don't need ya, Race!" I froze. I ain't neva' heard any a' my brothas say that. Neva'. I needed them. All of 'em. I didn't care if they's was dumb sometimes. They mess with me and the littles but I loves 'em no matta' what. "Ya come around here, smokin' that damn cigar, playin' your little card games, startin' fights with some of the littles and I'm sick a' it. I don't need ya makin' matta's worse, Higgins." _Higgins_. Jack neva' called Race Higgins. Pal, Racer, kid, which drove Race crazy sometimes, but neva' Higgins. He musta been real mad 'bout somethin'. "Kids are already sick. I've been up for days tryin' ta pay rent for all of 'em and you think it's okay ta go out and give the bulls a reason ta search the house?"

I couldn't listen to it. I had ta stop it. Whoeva' was out there was hurtin' Race. I didn't like it. It couldn't be Jack. Not afta' everythin' he did ta keep Race safe.

"Jack, stop it." Albert's voice was quiet. I didn't know he could be that quiet. Or that scared. I heard Jack push Race inta the wall again. That's what that noise had ta be. And I didn't like it. But then I heard something slam inta the other wall. Oh, Race...

I got ta the door as quick as I could. It hurt. I was hissin' and groanin'. My leg didn't do so well in the cold. But I could do it. I shoved the door open just in time ta see Race back up into the wall so fast I was sure he woulda thrown hisself through it. It was loud. And Jack had only lunged for him a little. What the hell happened? But I saw the fear in Race's eyes when he looked up at our big brother.

"Knock it off, Jack!" I don't know how I was talkin'. My throat was on fire. It hurt. But I had ta stop whateva' was goin' on. Race was on the ground. He was _shakin'_. _Cryin'_. I didn't know what ta do. I looked over at Jack and he was starin' at Race like he was thinkin' real hard bout somethin'. Like he was tryin' ta rememba' somethin'. His eyes were real big. But it didn't matta'. Race... he mattered.

"Race I-" I didn't know what I was gonna say. I didn't even really know what happened. Alls I knew was that Jack was scarin' Race ta death. And I didn't like it. But Race cut me off anyway.

"Don't." He was starin' at Jack now. It was all he could look at. He looked like he was scared ta move cause if he did, Jack might lunge at him again. I took one step closer to him and he threw himself backwards again. So I stopped. I didn't move anymore. No one did. Race was too scared to have someone go near him. I ain't eva' seen him like that. It was worse than when he first came here.

I rememeba' that. He stuck to Jack. All day, all night. Wouldn't let no one else touch him. Not even a little tap on the shoulda'. He jumped when someone bumped inta him. Cried wheneva' someone grabbed his arm and tried ta hide from us.

He barely talked ta anyone else. I rememba' sittin' with him when Jack wasn't around, tryin' ta talk ta him. But he didn't undastand me. The only guy who undastood him was Sparks, our old leada'. And even he had a hard time. Race only knew Italian. A few English words, here and there, but most a' the time he just mumbled in a language no one undastood.

Then he started playin' poka' too much. He picked up words he shouldn't've. And he knew what they meant all too well. And he didn't know what the Delanceys did ta anyone who talked to 'em like that. Race didn't like no one touchin' him too much. The Delanceys learned that the hard way.

I don't know where he learned ta play poka', but he was good. Too good. Won almost every hand. I ain't neva' played, but I's watch all the time. And Race ain't afraid ta win no more. He don't look ova' at Jack when he wins. It was like he was scared a' bein' good at somethin'. 'Fraid he'd be soaked for it. But he always knew Jack would be there ta save him if it got too bad. And Jack was the only one he would let touch him.

Race don't need Jack ta teach him English no more. He don't need Jack ta show him the way home. But that don't mean Race don't need Jack. He needs Jack. I know it because I know Race. I know the wreck he is when Jack ain't home. I know the way he cries at night when all the littles are in bed and Jack is off at the Refuge. I know the way he sneaks up ta the roof fer a smoke when he can't sleep and Jack ain't there ta tell him it's okay. Race needs Jack. But whoeva' this boy was in front of me... it wasn't him.

"I... I'm goin' for a walk." I wanted ta chase afta' him. It was late. Dark. No where ta go at this time a' night. But I knew Race didn't want no one near him. Jack had done somethin' bad. And everyone knew it. And now Race was rememberin' things I knows he don't eva' wanna rememba' again. So I's let him go.

I shouldn'ta let him go.

When Race ran out, Jack went the opposite way. I saw how big his eyes were. I didn't think he knew what just happened. It was like his body was taken ova' by someone else and Jack wasn't even there.

I followed him. There were tears all ova' his face. Some a' the boy's tried ta follow me but I told 'em not to. Jack could go off again. I didn't want that. No one did.

My big brotha' started hittin' the wall. Punchin' it, like makin' his hand start bleedin' would somehow fix what he'd just done. He just told Race we didn't need him. It wasn't true. I needed Race. He and Jack are me best friends. I wouldn't be alive without 'em chasin' away the Delanceys or the bulls. I wouldn't be alive if they's didn't keep me warmed up when I get sick. It's a lot. I get sick too easy. But I needed 'em both ta talk ta me when I can't sleep. And I need 'em both ta help me up the latter to the roof when my leg gets bad.

What if he neva' came back? He would, right? He had to... I ain't eva' seen Race like that. He was scared. Race don't get scared no more. Not like that. Not cause a' Jack. I didn't know what ta do.

I watched Jack turn around and throw hisself up 'gainst the wall. He fell ta the ground and started grabbin' onto his hair. It looked like he was tryin' ta grab his brain and see what happened. I was confused. I didn't undastand but Jack didn't either. It ain't neva' happened like that before. Jack knew everythin'...

"Crutch... I-" he stopped. I didn't know why. But he did. And I just wanted him ta tell me. What happened? Who was that boy? I know it wasn't Jack. Jack neva' hurt no one that didn't deserve it. I knew Race and Jack got inta fights sometimes but neva' like that.

Race was stupid sometimes. Him and Jack fight. It ends with Jack holdin' onta Race tight, lettin' him try ta get away from his arms. Normally they's fine the next day. But this time... it was just different. I just wanted Race ta come back.

"What's goin' on in that head a' yours, Jackie?" I sat down on the bed next ta where Jack was throwin' a fit. He shook his head at me. I rolled my eyes. _Idiot_. I looked around at the kids. Most of 'em were awake. Romeo was starin' right us. I wished they'd all just go back ta sleep. I didn't want 'em ta see Jack like this. "Cmon, Jack, I only eva' see ya actin' so stupid afta' ya..." Oh... I held onta my crutch real tight. I undastood some now. "Jack why wouldn't ya tell me that?" Stupid. He was so stupid sometimes. I _know_ what he went through at the Refuge. I know what Snyda' did ta him. I know what Snyda' made him believe in there. Jack thought he was alone. Alone! He thought we's didn't care bout him none! It was a lie! I knew Snyda' beat him and starved him but... Race... my brothas weren't okay with him.

I knew Jack was just sittin' there, prayin' he could get outta this somehow. He just wanted ta run. He wanted ta run ta that place he was always daydreamin' about.

"Jack if ya don't get off your ass right now and go find him, I will. Get your head outta that place out West and get back here! He didn't deserve that and ya know it!" I don't get angry too much. But that night, I didn't know what else ta call it. I was mad. Jack just sat there. He didn't say nothin'. But I was doin' it. I didn't care if he didn't believe me.

After all we's had been through tagether, I thought Jack woulda known by now. When I's say I's gonna do somethin', I do it. We grew up on the streets tagetha'. And he wanted me ta be okay leavin' a man behind, out in the cold afta' all those nights sleepin' in the garbage and holdin' onta each otha' so tight with no one ta help us? No way. Not when I can help it.

I stood up right when Al walked inta the room. He looked ova' at Jack. I didn't. I couldn't look back at him. "What the hell happened?"

"Just Jack bein' an idiot." I didn't tell him where I was goin'. I didn't need to. He didn't stop me either. He knew it wouldn't do too much good. Unlike the otha' boys, I had a wooden stick on my side. All they's had was their fists.

I didn't know where ta go, really. I just knew where Race would be headed. Sure, alleys were dangerous ta sneak through at night, but Race wasn't the kind a' guy ta follow Jack's rules. 'Specially not now. So's I walked through alleys that I knew would lead ta where Race was tryin' ta go. Didn't take too long 'fore I found him.

He was shiverin'. More cold than I's eva' seen him. I don't think he knew he was cryin'. And he was smokin' his cigar like mad. I wished I coulda run up ta him. But all I could do was hop as fast as I could. "Race... what the hell are ya doin'?" I didn't mean ta sound so mean, but he was the one who ran off. I set down my crutch in fronta us. "Ya scared the hell outta us." _Me..._ God Race betta not eva' run off like that again. He jumped at my voice. But then he looked away again.

Race laughed. It didn't sound like a real laugh though. Not the ones that make everyone else laugh too. He sounded hurt. " _I_ scared the hell outta you?" I knew what he meant. Jack was bein' dumb too. But that didn't mean he could just run away! Away from his brothas that woulda helped him!

All I could do was lean inta Race. I sniffled and wrapped my arms 'round his waist. He leaned back inta me. Didn't push me away like he normally did when he was upset. "He had a run in with Snyder taday... almost got caught again." I don't know why I was tryin' ta defend Jack. He didn't deserve it right then. But I did it anyways. I needed everythin' ta be okay again. I needed my brothas ta laugh again. They were good at laughin' with each otha'.

Race was quiet for a long time. He took puffs of smoke from the thing in his hand. It was a while before I felt one of his arms wrap around me ta keep me warm. He probably wasn't even thinkin' about it.

"He ain't got no reason ta treat me like that." Race's voice was cold. But it was hurt, too. Sounded... betrayed. I knew a few things 'bout Race's past. If there was one thing anyone should know 'bout him, it was that he hated bein' held down. Tied down. He hated bein' _trapped_.

"I know, Race." It was cold out there. I pressed myself inta him for warmth. But if he had any hope I was gonna leave without him, it shoulda been gone by then. No way I was walkin' back without my brotha. "He's real sorry, Race. I's know it. Wouldn't talk ta no one afta' ya walked out." Not even me, really. And Jack always talks ta me. Bout everythin'. Had eva' since we found each otha'.

Race scoffed. He held me closa'. "Should be sorry..." I laughed when he muttered that. He put his chin on top a' my hair. He kept me as warm as he could. And I just let him, not making a move till he agreed to come back with me. Which mighta been harda than I thought. "I can't go back there, kid-"

I didn't wanna hear it. He was not doin' this. Not on a night like tanight when he was shiverin', smokin' a cigar ta try ta keep warm and _cryin'_. I pushed away from him. I didn't know if I was cryin' and I didn't care. "Yes ya can!" If Race even thought he had a chance a' makin' it ta where he thought he was goin', he woulda. And if Race was angry enough I mighta lost him that night. He woulda tried to hike across the bridge that night in the cold... alone. He wouldn't a' made it. "Ya won't make it ta Brooklyn tanight, Race! And even if ya do, ya don't even know if Spot'll let ya in!"

I didn't know if my words would even make a difference. But I locked my eyes on his. He stared at me fer a long time. I wanted ta take him back. I wanted ta take him home. He was stubborn, but we's found out a long time ago that he has a hard time sayin' no ta me. And then he sighed. And I knew I's won.

"Let's go, ya idiot." I chuckled ta myself when Race finally got up and reached his hand down ta help me up. I took it. I knew I was smiling. I was happy. Race was comin' back. It may be hard fer him ta talk ta Jack, but I didn't care. We's would all be home. But then I felt my chest tighten up. A cough shook my whole body. I forgot why I hadn't been outside in days. But then I felt my throat become all scratchy again and I felt dizzy. "Shouldn't be outside right now, punk." But I wasn't about ta admit that ta my brotha.

"You're a punk!" I pushed him a little bit. And he laughed. I loved it when Race laughed afta' I's seen him so scared. It always made me feel betta' when he laughed.

He picked up my crutch fer me. "Cmon, kid."

If we had known what was waitin' fer us, maybe we woulda taken a hike ta Brooklyn that night. Race had his arm 'round my shoulders. It didn't matta'. They's grabbed me by my arm. Ripped me away from him. I don't know what happened ta my crutch. But they shoved me down ta my knees. It hurt. I mighta screamed. I don't know. I was too focused on my big brotha. His feet weren't even touchin' the ground. He was kickin' screamin' out fer me. He was cryin' out fer Jack...

"Well well well..." I saw Race's face change when someone started talkin'. He was more scared than he was when I saw Jack about ta beat him to a pulp. And I didn't know how brave I could be when one a' the bravest boys I's know was breathin' so hard and goin' too pale at the sound a' one voice. "Looks like we caught our little thief." They grabbed my wrists and cuffed 'em. I couldn't breathe right. "And his little friend." They started draggin' me to a carriage. I wanted ta get away. I couldn't stop myself.

"Race!" I knew he couldn't help me. "Race please!" I struggled. I fought and fought and felt coughs rippin' my throat apart. "No! Stop!" They just kept pulling me closer ta the thing that would take away my freedom. "Race help!"

"No! Let him go! Crutchie!" I saw Race step on the guards' feet and kick at 'em where it hurt the most. He jumped on one a' their backs. It didn't last fer long. They's threw him ta the ground. I heard him hit the floor. "Crutchie run!" And he was still worried about _me_.

I started backin' away, but I wouldn't... I couldn't leave Race there. I saw him on his stomach. They's cuffed his hands behind his wrist. I thought they's would stop there. Snyda' was comin' afta' me and all I could do was scoot away on my ass. I didn't know where my crutch was. I can't walk without it. But then I heard Race scream. It wasn't just like any otha' scream. There was nothin' afta'. Not a sound.

"Don't move." Snyda' was standin' above me. "Or your friend will get a bullet in the head."

I didn't move. I only glanced behind Snyda'. They forced Race up to his knees. I... I couldn't look away. They were pointin' a gun at his head. He was slumped forward. They's had ta hold him up so he wouldn't fall ova'. "Race..." He didn't look up at me. He didn't try ta get away. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Get up." It took a lot fer me to look up at him. Race looked so... weak. I wanted ta get ta him. But I couldn't move. Not with Snyda' above me like that.

"Wh-what?" I couldn't. I can't walk without my crutch. My leg don't work right. But Snyda' didn't like my question. He nodded to the guard holdin' Race and they threw him ta the ground. They's started kickin' him. He cried but couldn't move away. "What are ya doin'? Stop!"

"Get up!" I did. I held onta the carriage and pulled myself up all on one leg. I didn't talk back ta him. I knew I was cryin'. I didn't care. "Get in." I did. It took a long time. But I did it. They held onta Race. I couldn't let them kill him. My best friend. My brotha'. I was almost as close ta Race as I was ta Jack.

They threw him inside afta' me and slammed the door. Race groaned. He was breathin' real quick. His head was movin' around real fast. I didn't know what was happenin'. He tried ta rip his hands outta the cuffs undaneath him. "C-Crutchie...?" He musta heard me tryin' ta catch my breath. I couldn't neva' forget what I just saw. Race had a gun ta his head. God... they was gonna kill him.

I dropped down next ta Race. I didn't know what ta do. I saw somethin' poolin' 'round his head. My fingers brushed against his hair on accident. I wish they didn't. When I brought my hand up to my eyes to see what it was I started shakin'. It was blood. A lot of blood.

Race gasped and had ta grind his teeth tagether when I touched him. I saw the tears on his face. He tried to stop 'em, but he couldn't. Then he did the dumbest thing he coulda. He tried ta sit up. I held him down. Oh God, what would Jack do?

"Don't move, Race." So he stopped. I was desperate fer Jack. I needed him. _Race_ needed him. What could I do fer him? I wasn't Jack. I thought back ta a time where Race had been hurt too. So hurt, Jack told us not ta move him 'cause he was scared a' hurtin' him. Damn Delanceys.

_I was walkin' with some a' the boys. We was on our way home from sellin' when we heard the gasps._

_Race had only been a newsie fer a little ova' a week. I's didn't know him too well. I knew that Jack liked him. So I tried ta make him feel welcome as best I could. But it was hard when I didn't undastand what he was sayin' and he didn't undastand what I's was sayin', neither._

_But when we's found him layin' on the floor like that... I didn't think... I asked Finch if he was already dead. Finch told me he was still breathin'. The noise was him tryin' ta breathe right. I nodded and we ran up ta him._

_"Race?" I fell next ta him. I don't know if he heard me. I tried again. "Race!"_

_"Jack?" Jack. It was the only boy he knew well enough in the house. The boy he's would cling to. But Jack wasn't there. And I didn't know what ta do._

_"No... no Race, it's me. It's Crutchie." He tried ta open his eyes but he couldn't. One of 'em was too swollen anyways. He tried ta move and I didn't know what ta do. I didn't hold him down. I grabbed his hand instead. "Go get Jack!" I was beggin'. Someone had ta get ta Jack 'fore Race couldn't breathe no more. And they left me 'lone with him._

_"Fa male... fa male..."_

_He said that a lot. I didn't know what it meant. All I know was it sounded weak and hurt. I tried ta talk ta him. He called my name a couple a times. Maybe ta make sure I's didn't leave him._

_"I'm right here..." My voice cracked. He would hold onta my hand tighta'. And then he said somethin' else._

_"Sei rimasto... Sei rimasto..." I didn't know what he was sayin'. "Papà non l'ha mai fatto. Ha detto che stava tornando. Non lo ha fatto..." He sounded so sad. I don't know why he sounded so sad but he held onta me hand real tight. And he said somethin' I undastood. "Y-you stayed..."_

_And Jack finally found us. He pulled Race onta his lap. He cradled his cheek and he whispered to him. But Race wouldn't let go a' my hand. He wouldn't let go a' my hand even though I didn't do nothin'. Jack was the one calmin' him down and helpin' him. I wasn't doin' nothin'._

I couldn't be as calm as Jack. Not now. Not when Race looked so much like he did that day.

I pulled Race onta my lap. His head was on my bad leg, but he seemed ta relax. If only a little bit. "They hit ya with a gun." I didn't know what else I could say. I couldn't stop thinkin' bout it. "...you're bleedin', Race..." I was whisperin' but Race closed his eyes, tight, like I was yellin' at him.

"...I'll be fine..." Outta all the dumb things I's've heard in my whole life, that was the dumbest. He couldn't even keep his eyes open!

I was cryin'. I knew it. I was snifflin', wipin' 'way tears and all I could do was yell at him. "You ain't fine, ya idiot! Your head is bleedin'!" He winced. I wanted ta 'pologize... but I couldn't. "They're gonna separate us." I shouldn'ta said it. But I knew it would happen. If not because a' our age, because a' Snyda' wantin' ta make our stay extra painful.

Race started tryin' ta move, shake his head. "No non possono..." I felt my heart drop. Race hasn't spoke in that language in months. He doesn't like it. And the last time I's heard him talkin' like that, he was beyond drunk. Couldn't rememba' nothin' the next day. And we was glad. Italian made him think a' things he wouldn't tell us about. Things only Jack knew about. And now I was more scared than I's had been in a long time. "I won't let 'em... 'M not gonna let... let 'em... non ti lascerà..." I put my hand on his forehead ta keep him still. He couldn't be movin' so much. God, he could barely talk ta me.

"Shut up, Race." I knew my voice was shakin'. I mighta been shakin' more than Race was. "Ya can't fight anyone and ya know it. Please don't try and fight 'em no more." I saw him tryin' ta move. He wanted ta get up. He wanted ta fight 'em. But I couldn't let him.

Next thing I's know, he was mumbling in Italian. Rantin' in words that I didn't undastand. Like he was dreamin'. But he was awake.

I didn't know his whole story. Only bits and pieces. I knew how he was trapped. I knew how he wasn't allowed no where without bein' watched. "Johnny ... non posso ... per favore ... niente di più! Lasciami andare! Sarò buono!" _Johnny_. I's knew that name by now. We all did. Race neva' talked about Johnny when he was awake. Sniper said the name once and Race went crazy. His eyes got real wide and he couldn't breathe. He ran outta the room 'fore anyone asked why.

I didn't know how he was gonna do it. He couldn't... Race couldn't be locked up again. He didn't deserve that again. He was trapped fer most a' his life and the only reason he made it out last time was because a' Jack... Jack saved him from Johnny. And Jack sat up with him at the Refuge, talkin' ta him through the window... what the hell could I do?

We stopped and Race was still mumblin'. He was beggin'. I didn't know the words but I knew what beggin' sounded like. "Papà... dove sei...?" Was he askin' for his pop? That's what Papà is, right? Why was Race askin' fer his dad?

I tried ta hold onta Race. I did all I could but I wasn't strong enough ta keep him with me. They opened the door and ripped him away from me. "Race!" He started sobbin' again on the ground.

"Per favore! Papà mi aiuti!" Why wasn't he speakin' English? I just wanted him back. I wanted our Race back!

They's grabbed onta me too. Dragged both a' us up to a room. The older boys' room. They threw Race in and started ta take me away. "No! Please! Ya can't separate us! He can barely walk! Please!"

Snyda' grabbed me from the guard that was holdin' me. He threw me ta the ground. It hurt. I screamed. "He is nothing!" I couldn't respond ta him. It was hard ta breathe with him kickin' me. "You and him can't be together because you two together won't learn the respect you need to learn!"

"He can't think straight! Ya can't leave him in here!" They was beatin' me. I kept on screamin'. And then, somehow, they's kept on hittin' me and beatin' me while they dragged me away from Race. "Race!"

They threw me in a room. They locked the door. It ain't like I coulda moved anyway. Everythin' hurt. "Jack..."

I wanted out. I wanted ta get back ta Race. I wanted ta get back ta Jack... I wanted ta be layin' in bed. I wanted ta wake up from this nightmare and have Jack run ova' ta me and scoop me up and tell me it was okay. And then I would say, "I was all alone..." and Jack would roll his eyes and grab my pillow. He's would throw it at Race and he would wake him up too.

_"Race, tell Crutchie how stupid he is." Race was always confused. He was tired. But he'd walk ova' ta me anyways._

_"I tell him that all the time..." Race scoffed. He ruffled my hair and I would laugh._

_"Says he's alone." Jack always sounded like he was smilin' when he said that. And I still always forgot why. But then Race would laugh and I would rememba'. He would start ticklin' me. I would laugh and try ta get away but Jack held me still._

_"Do ya feel alone now, pal?" Jack would let Race sit down on my bed too. I'd be surrounded. Neva' could get away from 'em. Didn't want to, neither._

_"Ya ain't, Crutch." I would look ova' at Race again and he would smile down at me. "I know what alone is... and you ain't got it." He always ran a hand through my hair and Jack would kiss my forehead. They was the family I's neva' had. My brothas. And I wasn't alone with them. Neva'._

I woke up lata'. I didn't know I's fell asleep till I did. Everyone else was sleepin'. They's was all too young ta be there. Not one a' them went without a bruise somewhere, a scar hidden on them. Things that would always make them think about the place they wished they could just ferget.

I sat there for a long time. I was sittin' next ta the door. They weren't done with me yet, I knew it. Might as well make it easy on 'em. No use in tryin' ta hide when I's knew they would find me.

Oh I wondered how Race was doin'. The blood... it was still all ova' me. It soaked through my pants. It was dried ta my hands. I just wanted ta take him home. Home ta Jack. And soon, I wouldn't have a choice. But Jack might be outta the question.

"You're comin' with us, crip!" That was all they said when they shoved open the door and started draggin' me away with cuffs on. I still didn't have my crutch. I still couldn't walk.

I saw Snyda's name on the door. I didn't know what ta expect on the otha' side of it. But what I saw was the furthest from my mind. "Jack!" They dropped me. They knew I couldn't stand so they let me go. But I knew I wasn't gonna hit the ground. Jack was there.

His arms were around me and I wasn't mad at him no more. How could I be? I knew he cared. I knew how much he loved me. How much he loved Race. I knew he would do anything for us... wait... he'd do _anything_ fer us. Oh no...

"Kid..." His voice sounded nice. I knew I was shakin'. I knew I was cryin'. I couldn't get Race's face outta my head though. I couldn't get his voice outta my head. I couldn't get those Italian words outta my head. And I couldn't get Snyda's threats outta my head. And damn it, I was scared!

"Where's Higgins?!" I jumped. It was too loud. I held on tight ta Jack's shirt. He pulled me closa ta him and put my head on his shoulder. I just wanted to give him a real hug. But the cuffs wouldn't let me.

"I'm so sorry, Crutch..." No. He couldn't do this. Not afta' all the times he's had been here.

"What're ya doin' here, Jack?" I knew what he was tryin' ta do. I knew I couldn't stop him. I straightened up and shook my head when I talked ta him. I didn't want this ta be happenin'.

"I'm gettin' ya outta here, kid. You and Race... ya don't deserve this. You's was right." I was right? That was all he could say? You don't deserve this eitha' Jack! No one does! But I didn't have time ta say that before someone fell down next ta me.

"Race!" Jack was callin' out fer him. But I pushed away from him. I needed ta get to Race. I needed ta make sure he was okay.

He was on his knees. His hands were in cuffs behind his back. He didn't like it. I didn't know if he realized he was tryin' ta rip his hands apart. I just wanted him ta calm down. I put my hands on his back. I wasn't thinkin' that it would scare him like it did. He gasped and tried ta move away. His head was almost touchin' the ground. God, what was wrong? I needed him ta be okay. So I didn't move away.

"Race... it's just me." I knew my voice was still sick. I was still shakin'. But I didn't care. He looked up at me. His eyes were two different sizes. I ain't neva' seen him so confused.

Race was the sure one. He always knew what he was doin'. He knew when he was bein' smart and when he was bein' stupid and even if he didn't, he neva' let us see that he wasn't sure. And now... he looked like he did on that day that Jack brought him home. _Lost_. Lost and scared. And I just wanted our Racetrack back.

"Ah, Mr. Higgins..." I felt Race tense. He was already cryin' real hard. When Snyder started talkin'... he couldn't breathe right. "I believe you know Mr. Kelly." I wish he didn't say that. My heart dropped when Race moved so fast and he... he _screamed_... I rubbed his back. He squeezed his eyes shut and rested his head on the floor. Oh God, Race...

I tired ta hold him still when he tried ta get up. He wouldn't stay still. "He'll be taking your place." And that made it worse. He looked up at Jack. He locked eyes with him and he tried his best ta force words outta his mouth.

"N-...n-no... Ja... Jack..." The next thing he said wasn't English. I was a mix a' Italian and mutters that didn't have a real name. Gibberish, maybe. I pulled him onta me. He didn't move away. He was too focused on talkin'. "You don't need me, Jack!" I winced. I saw Jack flinch. Race wasn't even aware. He was just tryin' ta make Jack leave. Get out while he still could. But those words hit me hard. Jack needed Race as much as Race needed Jack. As much as _I_ needed both of 'em. "Let C-Crutchie go! I-I'll stay...! Don't make 'em stay for me!" Shut up, Race. Stop it, please... "It's my fault... è colpa mia..."

I was angry. It don't happen too offen. But I was. Sure, Race stole somethin'. Blankets. Fer me. Fer Romeo and Sniper and the othas. We's were cold. Sick. Too sick. We needed 'em. But this shouldn'ta happened. None of it.

And Jack needed Race, damn it! Race was the only one who could calm him down when he started panickin'. Not even I can do that. He's the one that would let Jack cry on him when he woke up afta' a nightmare. I know they's always think I'm sleepin'. I ain't. I will always memba' the first time I's heard 'em.

_"No! Please! I didn't do nothin'!" I didn't know who was cryin'. It was dark. I was tired. It'd been weeks since Jack had got back from his third stay at the Refuge. "Don't! I ain't weak! Stop!" That was when I's recognized it. It was Jack._

_I didn't know what ta do. I was only eleven. So's I didn't move. I just lay there and listen ta the cries till I heard another voice. "Jack!" Someone was wakin' up my big brotha'. "Jack, wake up!" Race._

_I rolled ova' ta see what was happenin'. Race was sittin' on Jack's bed. He was tryin' ta shake him awake. It took a while before it worked and Jack sat up real fast. Race almost had ta jump off the bed._

_"Jack, it's okay! You're home." Jack was lookin' around. He looked confused._

_"Race?" His voice was so small. I knew he wouldn't be scared fer too long. Jack got scared, but it neva' stayed._

_"Yeah, Jack..." that was all Race said before Jack threw his arms 'round him. "Jack-"_

_"Please don't leave me 'lone, Racer..." I saw Race's face. His eyes were wide. But he shook his head and held onta Jack._

_"Neva', Jack... We's brothas."_

_Jack cried. He sobbed onta Race's shoulder. I neva' told 'em I saw them. And it wasn't the only time. It happened a lot afta' that. Jack would call fer Race or me in his sleep and Race would always wake him up. And Jack wouldn't be okay without Race wakin' him up and cryin' with him._

Jack dropped down in fronta us. He brushed his fingas up against Race's cheek and Race leaned inta his touch. "I didn't mean it, Racer." Finally. "I's didn't mean none of it and I'm sorry fer puttin' ya through that." Race sobbed. He was havin' trouble breathin' and if Jack wasn't lettin' Race lean inta his hand, he'd prob'bly be on the ground.

I saw the panic on Jack's face. I didn't blame him. Race was actin' weird and we didn't know why. It had ta be cause a' his head. I grabbed fer Jack's hand. He held onta it tight.

"J...Ja-ack... don't... d-don't do this..." Why was it so hard fer him ta talk? Why couldn't he just talk like he always did?

I let Race lean back on my chest. I could still see the blood in his hair. It was supposed ta be lighter than that. Blond and curly. Not red and sticky. "Get back home." I looked back up at Jack when he started talkin'. Jack looked heartbroken when he saw me cryin'. He picked up my hand that held onta his and wiped away my tears. He hated it when I cried. Always told me that. "Make sure he don't do nothin' stupid." I felt Race tryin' ta free his hands again. I tried ta hold him still. It didn't work. But one look from Jack and Race stopped. There was the Jack I knew. And there was the Race that couldn't fight our older brotha when he told him to stop hurtin' hisself with one look.

"Jack... he can't stand alone. He can barely move. What's wrong with him?" I held tighta ta Race. He was breathin' hard. And Jack pulled me onta him when I asked that. I was scared.

"Ya gotta get him ta Medda when ya can. She'll know what ta do." Duh. Why didn't I think about that? Medda always knew what ta do. I nodded. And then the Spider cleared his throat. He was getting annoyed at our goodbyes. I hated him. I ain't neva' hated no one before in my life. But I _hated_ him.

I pulled away and watched Jack look back ova' at Race. "Take care of 'em, Race." Race shook his head and cried. He crashed into Jack. He sobbed onta his chest and all Jack had time ta do was push a quick kiss ta his head and then mine when he saw the guards closin' in on us. He stood up fast when they touched him. And then they cuffs his hands behind his back.

I musta been cryin'. But I couldn't a been worse than Race. "N-no..." The guards were closin' in and I saw Jack tryin' ta make them stop but he couldn't break free from the grip of the guards holdin' him.

"Jack... don't do th-this..." Race's words were slurrin' tagetha'. I ain't eva' heard him like this. Not even when he and Al went out and go drunk. But I wasn't ready ta be lifted up off the floor. And I wasn't ready ta hear Race screamin' again. "No! Stop! I'll stay!" The words were forced. He still couldn't talk to good. He was fightin' real hard ta get ta Jack and I wanted ta calm him down but the guards wouldn't let me. "Please! I'll stay. I'll stay! Rimarrò, rimarrò..."

I didn't like it when Race started speakin' Italian again. It sounded so desperate.

"Don't worry, Mr. Higgins. You'll see Jack again in three months." Oh no... _three months_. Not three months. That was too long. I started fightin'. It didn't matta'.

They threw me ta the ground and Jack screamed fer me 'fore they dragged me and Race out ta the front a' the place. Race didn't stop screamin' the whole time. He was screamin' fer Jack ta not do this. But it didn't matta' what no one said. Jack wouldn't stop at nothin' if it meant protectin' us. I knew it.

When they threw us out, Race landed on his back. I landed on my knees too far from him. I started ta crawl his way when someone stood in fronta me. "No! Race!" I thought they's was gonna try and keep him from me. I thought they's was gonna hurt us some more. But then I heard a familia' voice.

"Crutchie, calm down... we're takin' ya home." I looked up from the ground. I was neva' so happy ta see those round glasses.

"Specs!"

"Yeah, kid." He squatted down and helped me onta his back. That's when I saw my crutch on the ground. They musta thrown it out when they left us there. Specs grabbed it.

"Lemme go!" Race! My eyes shot ova' ta him. Albert had him in his arms and Race didn't realizes he wasn't gonna hurt him. I heard Al tryin' ta talk ta him.

All I could do was let my head fall on Specs's shoulder. I didn't know how tired I was till I could finally stop fightin'. I barely saw JoJo walk up ta Race. He was shakin'. I wish I coulda undastood why when I saw him. But my mind didn't wanna think anymore. All I could mumble when I heard Race strugglin' was, "Be careful... he's hurt real bad." I think I fell asleep up on Specs's back afta' that. And I didn't have the energy ta try and wake myself up again.

I was in and outta it fer a while afta' that. Sometimes I woke up long enough ta talk ta someone. Specs and Al kept bringin' me bits a food and cups a wata'. But all I wanted was ta wake up with Jack and Race's arms 'round me. Instead, all I could do was turn ova' a see Race asleep next ta me. Specs said he ain't woke up yet. But I couldn't move real well. So I couldn't wake him up myself.

_I heard the bangin' noises again. I heard Race screamin'. I heard Romeo coughin' up a lung._

_"We don't need ya, Race!"_

_"Crutchie, run!"_

_"He is nothing!"_

_"è colpa mia..."_

_I heard the screams. I heard Jack tryin' ta calm us down. I heard Snyda' laughin'._

I woke up quick. It hurt when I sat up so fast like that, but I didn't care. I looked around. Romeo was sittin' up in his bed. I was happy that he looked betta'. He wasn't so pale no more. All the rest a' the boys musta been sleepin'. But I looked around fer someone else. Fer Race.

When I found him, still layin' on the same bed he was before. I couldn't take it anymore. I got up. I didn't care if Specs told me not to. I walked ova' ta him and somehow let his head rest in my lap. "Cmon, Race... it's been days... wake up. Please wake up..." My voice was almost breakin'.

I ran my hands through his hair. I didn't expect him ya actually open up his eyes. "Crutch..." My eyes widened when I heard him talkin'. He wasn't fightin' the words out no more. He could talk.

"Race!" I whispered. I wiped at my face. I felt like I hadn't stopped cryin' in days. I hadn't. "You've been sleepin' for days..."

He looked confused. But then I saw somethin' on his face that I ain't seen in a while. Guilt. "I's sorry, Crutch... Go back ta sleep..." I didn't want to. I wanted ta talk ta him. I wanted ta make sure he was okay. But I couldn't fight with him. All I could do was let my eyes slip shut.

When I woke up next, I wasn't happy. Race was gone. I didn't know what ta do. "Race?!" I got up. I looked everywhere for him. It was hours before he came back. Before he walked through the front door, barely able to stand on his own. I caught him before he hit the floor. But my crutch fell and we both ended up on the ground.

"What the hell was ya thinkin', ya idiot?!" I yelled at him. He didn't really respond ta me.

"You's an idiot!" I rolled my eyes.

"Race, where the hell where ya? Ya can't just leave like that! We still don't know why you's havin' trouble walkin'!" He didn't care. He seemed calmer than he was before. And then I knew what he did. I knew where he went.

"I couldn't just leave him like that, Crutch."

Next time... I forced him ta take me with him. Afta' I made him go ta Medda, a' course. She made him hold some ice ta his head and told us ta be real careful. Race hurt his head real bad.

When we got ta the fire escape, I froze. What if Jack wasn't okay. What if he blamed me fer gettin' him stuck in there again? At the time, it didn't sound as crazy as it was. But I shoulda known. I knew Jack betta than that.

"Crutchie!" He was relieved. So was I. "What are you two doin' here?" Race was behind me, rubbin' my back. He had ta help me up the fire escape. I wouldn'ta made it up alone.

I saw his hand and I grabbed it. "J-Jack..." I wanted ta be able ta hug him. Maybe if we could just hold onta each otha', everythin' would be alright. "I'm sorry, Jack..."

"Shshshsh kid, I'm okay." It wasn't true. Jack had bruises on his face. His smile was sad and small and not the smile that I thought about wheneva' someone said mh brothas name. He started wipin' away my tears with his hand. I tried ta stop cryin' fer him. It was so damn hard. "Calm down, Crutch. I is okay."

"Sorry, Jackie." I almost laughed. Race musta been exhausted from the fight I put up fer him ta take me with him. "He wouldn't let me go without him."

Jack shook his head and smiled. When he looked at me... then I saw it. He was really smilin'. He was happy ta see us.

"It's okay, Racer." He reached through the bars and cradled Race's cheek in his hand. Race leaned into it. He needed it. And everythin' was fine. "It's okay."

We kept goin' back. I wouldn't let Race outta my sight. Not fer a second. Medda said no fights and... I know how hard that is fer Race. 'Specially with the Delanceys out and about. So's I told him he couldn't sell fer a coupla days. He tried ta fight with me, but Race couldn't say no ta me fer long.

That night, the boys was playin' poka'. Race's first game since we's got back. Most of 'em were in. All the littles had gotten better in the last few days. They's was all out sellin' and we was happy fer it. It didn't last fer too long, though. They got through one hand before someone pushed the door open.

There he was. He was standin' on shakin' legs and he had tears fallin' down his face. I was shakin' too. And I was sure I had relieved tears fallin' down my face. "Jack!" I don't know how I got there, but I did. Somehow I made it inta Jack's arms as we's was on the floor, holdin' onta each otha'. And I heard someone fall ta the ground. Jack moved me forward and suddenly, Race was in our brothas arms too. "Hiya boys."

Jack was shakin' and all I could do was start talkin' ta him, tryin' ya breathe right. "H-how'd ya get out?" I felt him runnin' his hand through my hair. It felt good. But the next thing he said made all of us go silent. "I rode out on the governor's carriage."

Race looked up at Jack. I did the same. No way...

"I ain't kiddin'!" We's still didn't believe him. How could we believe that? But he grabbed our wrists. He wiped away some of Race's tears and helped me ta my crutch before he dragged us outside. I couldn't believe me own eyes. I watched the carriage ride away. I heard Race laughin'. I didn't get it. How was it funny? It was true!

Jack wrapped his arms around our shoulders. "You escaped jail on the back of Teddy Roosevelt's carriage?" I looked ova' a Jack just in time ta see him press a kiss ta Race's head. I missed it. Watchin' 'em laugh tagetha'. They needed each otha' and I needed them.

Lata', when Jack was layin' in bed, I couldn't sleep. I was 'fraid I would wake up and he'd be gone again. So's I limped ova' ta him. He wasn't sleepin'. I knew he wasn't sleepin'. And he looked ova' at me. I musta sounded like such a kid, but I asked anyway, "Can I... could I sleep with ya, Jack?" He just laughed and scooted ova'. I was on him in a second, wrappin' my arms 'round him so tight.

He ran hands through my hair and kissed me on the head before I fell asleep.

I learned somethin' from all that. My brothas might not know everythin'. They got scared sometimes. They wasn't perfect. But they'd loved me. And I loved them. And that was all that mattered in the end.

We needed each other. And we always would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading! Make sure to tell me what you liked, what you didn’t, what you’d change or what you’d improve by leaving me a review! Love ya, fansies!

**Author's Note:**

> There’s chapter 1! Thanks so much for reading! Make sure to tell me what you liked, what you didn’t, what you’d change or what you’d improve by leaving me a review! Love ya, babes!


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